hømetøwn

• : / thirteen / : •

For a moment  everything was bright white. 

His lips burned against my skin and the smell of vanilla was everywhere and all the oxygen was sucked from my lungs.

I thought,

This is not happening.

I thought,

He is so warm.

I thought,

This isn't right.

I thought,

Please don't let it stop.

But it did. Of course it did. Because nothing lasts -- not the moments that make your insides ache and not the moments that make you feel glad to be alive. Everything is temporary. A light wind pushed against my back. I shivered, my teeth gently touching his lower lip. His warm breath tickled against my lips. And then...he pulled away.

Everything inside me turned to ice.

His eyes darted to the ground. His hands slid off mine and he stumbled a step backwards. A red flush grew in his cheeks.

"I'm sorry," he said.

It was impossible to look him in the eye. A car honked behind us.

"No, I...don't...don't be sorry," I said. "I, um. That was..."

"I shouldn't have," said Brendon. "I'm sorry. You're staying with us. I don't want you to -- to feel like -- uh -- like you owe me something. Like you've got to be my girlfriend if you stay with us. Because that's not what I -- I...I don't know. I'm sorry, Lake. That was dumb."

No. No, that wasn't dumb. I don't owe you anything and yet I owe you everything and I don't know how that can be, but it's something, and it's not dumb. Please, don't walk away. Please, don't let me push you away. Please, look at me. Look at me.

He didn't look at me.

"I know," I said.

There was a beat of silence.

He fidgeted. "I guess...that didn't, uh..."

"What?"

"Did that...did it mean anything? Or --"

It meant everything, damn it. To me, at least. Did it not mean anything to you? Please, look at me. Tell me what you think and don't filter what you say to me because I want to know, I need to know, so I can know if I can kiss you again. God, I want to kiss you again.

"I don't know," I said.

"Oh," he said.

A truck roared past us. Brendon's hair ruffled backwards and I forced myself not to reach up and fix it.

"Fuck," I said.

And finally, his eyes rose to meet mine, and they weren't brown like I thought they were, no, in the fractured light they almost looked gold, the city lights reflecting off his pupils, and fuck, fuck, fuck he was so beautiful and it made every inch of me feel like it was on fire.

"What?" he said.

I thought,

You know what? What the hell.

And I threw caution to the wind.

"YES IT FUCKING MEANT SOMETHING!" I yelled.

"I -- wh-what?"

"DAMMIT BRENDON, I LIKE YOU, OKAY? I -- I like the way you drive with the windows down and listen to My Chemical Romance songs. I like all your stupid puns and I like feeding you chicken nuggets and I like the way you look after Ryan even when he acts like an idiot."

He started to say something, but I plowed onwards.

"And maybe this is a terrible idea and maybe I shouldn't like you because liking someone never ends well, right? And maybe there's a catch. There's always a catch. And maybe for every good thing about you there's an equally horrible thing about you. But I just...your eyes, and your smell, and your voice, and your...your...your everything, I just...I...I'm sounding like an idiot, or a stalker, aren't I?"

"Lake --"

"I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry. This is all so stupid. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Can we just forget that I ever --"

His hands locked around my back, pulling me fast against him.

"Please," I whispered. "I know you probably don't...don't feel the same way. Please, can we just forget this?"

"Not in this lifetime." His voice was low and soft, his breath tickling the hair at my ear.

I squeezed my eyes shut. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." He pulled away, hands clenching over my shoulders. He gazed at me for a long moment in silence, a light smile pulled across his face. "How poetic, to imagine the moon and the sun, falling in love."

"I never said anything about love," I said before I could stop myself. I felt myself shrinking away from him. "I said like. Not love."

He didn't seem fazed in the slightest. "Not yet," he said. He let go of my shoulders.

My phone rang. I jumped. I hadn't remembered bringing it, but I must've stuffed it into my pocket before I left. Brendon took my hand and started walking us back to the apartment as I answered it.

"Uh, hello?"

"Lake."

My stomach dropped. I froze, one hand slipping out of Brendon's and falling limp to my side.

"Lake. Are you there?" the voice said again.

"Yeah," I said. My voice quivered. "What do you want?"

Brendon stared at me, concerned. He mouthed, who is it?

I covered the speaker and mouthed back, Connor.

Brendon stiffened.

"Where the hell are you?" said Connor. "Your mom said you ran away. Do you realize how freaked out Angie and I have been?"

I laughed sharply. "Yeah, okay, like you actually care."

"Okay, you know what, Lake? Just because of that thing at the concert -- that doesn't erase our whole friendship. I liked you. I'm over it now. I was a dick but that's done, okay? Just please, come back already. It wasn't that big of a deal."

I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything.

"Look, the bottom line is we're going to find you."

My mouth tasted like a desert. "You shouldn't bother."

"I am though. Or, we are. Angie's helping. We're going to track you down, and we're going to bring you back here. Got it? Wherever you are, you don't belong there."

"How can you say that?"

"Because you belong here," he said. Then, quieter, "With me."

"What?"

"With me and Angie and your mom. Everything of yours is here. Even all your stuff. Every day that you don't come back, we're going to burn something you left behind."

"That's not going to convince me to come back, you asshole. I took what I wanted. I don't care about the stuff I left behind. Burn it."

"It's not just stuff you left behind," said Connor.

"What?"

His voice was a soft hiss into the speaker. "People, Lake." A dark laugh crackled over the phone. "People."

Click.

And he was gone.

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wow, I didn't expect it to get up to 1K reads that fast. Thank you all so much for reading/commenting/voting, it means the world. I hope you find this next bit intriguing. I guess it's a bit of a cliff hanger. Comment your thoughts on the story so far and I promise I'll answer any questions.

much love

xxkelsey