Shadows fell soft over my toes. I stood silent in the hallway. The apartment was drenched in sleepy darkness, but I was wide awake. I could hear Brendon's breathing in the bedroom. Gentle. Rhythmic. I risked a glance through the cracked door.
He lay sprawled on his bed, asleep. His arms stretched out, like he was reaching for something. Like he missed the shape of my body against his. Like he was searching for me in the empty space. I smiled.
The clock at his bedside table blinked. 3:24 am.
I don't know why I was there. Why I was standing alone in the hallway when I could have been curled up in his arms. But my mind wouldn't shut down. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw things. I couldn't stop remembering. There are some things you can never really escape, I guess. Things that even sleep cannot erase.
I shook my head. Blinked. Tried to clear my vision. And for no real reason, I thought of Ryan. He was a complete idiot in a lot of ways, but Ryan was smarter than people gave him credit for. I wondered what he would say if he knew. If he knew about me. About the things I've done. About the ghosts I've left behind. And the ghosts that are still haunting me. Then I wondered how he would handle things, if he were in my place.
A grin slid up my lips. I knew exactly how he would handle it.
Ryan kept his Dorito stash in the back of the pantry. The kitchen was dark and I was clumsy, but somehow I managed to get there without waking anyone up. I crept into the pantry. God, it was dark. It was almost impossible to decipher which chips were which. I leaned forward, squinting.
It was several minutes later when I left the pantry, Doritos in hand. I felt prouder than I probably should have. But now the Doritos were mine, and I was going to solve my life problems, Ryan Style.
It was still too dark to see. I felt my way around the apartment, trying to find the table. My hip banged into something.
"Shit," I hissed, buckling over like I'd been shot.
"Hey, language," said a voice, and I sprang back, lost my balance, and fell over backwards.
My heart was going so fast it hurt. I could barely breathe. The darkness fell over me like a curtain, pressing me to the floor. I was scared to stand up. "Who is that?"
"It's Tyler," said the voice. "Josh is here too."
Warm hands closed over me and pulled me to my feet. Josh's voice murmured, "We really need to stop meeting like this."
His words reminded me of my ruined shoes and the record shop. I laughed under my breath. Josh's soft clean smell drifted over me. I inhaled slowly. Then I thought of Brendon. I pulled my hands away.
"Were you holding something? I heard something drop," said Tyler. He was apparently sitting at the kitchen table. The table I was looking for. And the one I banged my hip against.
"Uh...noo..." I said. I suddenly felt embarrassed by my 3 A.M. Dorito quest.
Josh leaned over and picked up the bag of chips. "You sure?"
I glared. "Give me that."
He handed me the Doritos and I sat down at the table. Josh sat at the head and Tyler sat across from me. It was too dark to see either of their faces.
"Why the hell are you two up?"
"We were talking," said Tyler. "Why are you up?"
"She wanted Doritos," said Josh.
"Shut up," I said, opening the bag. "But yeah. I wanted Doritos."
"Can I have some?" said Tyler.
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Fanfiction"Everyone's a no one in their home town," said Josh. His eyes were soft in the dim light. "No. That's the problem. I'm not a no one. I'm a someone there. A someone who I'm not. A someone who burned down her life and left her mother alone to rot." I...
