Vienna

nine

Bellamy

"What?!" I exclaim at my mother with a shocked face.

"Vienna and her family are back in Bristol!" She claps, "I saw her mother yesterday and invited them over for dinner tomorrow night," she says as if I'll be happy by her news.

"You what?!" I exclaim again.

"Oh, please, Bellamy, maybe Vienna coming home will do you some good," she scoffs, rolling her eyes.

"You didn't even ask me if I was okay with this!" I say angrily.

"Well, honey, it's too late, I'm sorry but you'll just have to live with it. After all, it's just one dinner," she laughs lightly.

I stomp back upstairs, fuming. How dare she come back just like that? How dare my mother invite them over here?

Even though I'm completely outraged about seeing her, I can't help but wonder how she is nowadays: Is she still as beautiful as I remember? does she have the same laugh? Does her smile still light up the entire wor-

Dammit, snap out of it, Bell.

I'm suppose to be mad at her. I'm suppose to hate her for leaving like she did.

Yet, I still hear her voice running through my head everyday. Damn, if I ever forgot what it sounded like, I'd be lucky.

For about a solid year after she left, I kept on thinking she was still there. Anytime I had good news, I'd automatically think of her but then scold myself, remembering that she wasn't.

That was probably the hardest thing: realising how empty you actually are without certain people in your life.

That year was the hardest: I'd write letters and kick the table when I realised I couldn't physically send them. That was also the year I started sketching and doodling which sort of spiralled out of control.

Then I got into partying and alcohol. A lovely mixture, I know. I guess maybe it was because I dressed or acted differently in school because suddenly, people were starting to notice me. They'd asked me to their friend and even invite me to parties.

That's when my life began to crumble even more. I was digging a hole for myself, which I can't seem to get out of today.

There will evermore be a part of me that loves Vienna, though. It will always be like that, no matter how much I claim to hate her.

But sometimes love isn't enough, right?