Strength

Chapter Seventeen: Reconsideration

Ash's POV

Going through my old items really brings back memories. I sit inside the small Abnegation house in the same room I first began life in. Marcus left the door unlock so I snuck in to gather any memories I want. I sit on my small bed from back when I was little sharing a room with Tobias. Not being able to help but cringe at his name I shrivel up my nose as I look around. I sit with two backpacks next to me one filled with things from clothes to toiletries. The second filled with food and plenty of water.

While shoving a large grew sweater into my clothing bag I notice a small white corner of what I assume is paper in the breast pocket. Taking out the piece of paper I realize its a photo. There on the photo sit a little girl and boy with identical grey clothing, matching blue eyes, and hooked noses.

I smile the tiniest of smile then my hand clenches into a fist crumpling the photo into a ball. Letting my anger get the best of me I shove it in my bag and zip it up. Swinging both bags over my shoulder I run down the stairs and out the door.

~

Riding through the dark night with chilling winds really can be relaxing if you think about it. Another cold breeze kisses my skin as I sit with my feet hanging off the edge of the train. I stare back into the city watching the lights and tall buildings shrink.

I'm really doing this...I'm really going away to be free, to escape the society in which people like me are dangerous. Different is dangerous. I can't help but think maybe I like being dangerous but I'd rather not die, I had thoughts before of wanting to but now I realize I don't want to.

My eyes focus on the tall Erudite building in which I was kept in, locked away from the world. I can't help but think about Peter. How his brown hair was always a mess during the middle of the night when he came to check on me or how he would only crack a small smile when he passed me in the hallways. I never even noticed the little things from the 'accidental' hand brushing in the hallway or the late night kiss on the forehead as I drifted off to sleep as signs of how much I liked him.

I never talk about Peter that much but that doesn't mean I don't lie awake thinking about him at night. Whenever Jeanine would induce me into some horrid nightmare he always popped up but never as a threat, more like someone there to make sure I was okay.

"Stop it before you grow soft you pansycake." I mumble to myself forcing my eyes to look away from the tower.

"Why would you be growing soft?" A voice asks from behind me. Looking over my shoulder I see no one other than my mother.

"What are you doing here this late at night?" I ask genially curious of why she's up this late. "I could ask you the same thing." She says walking over and sliding her back against the wall sitting down next to me.

I criss cross my legs and set my hands in my lap looking down. "I'm leaving, beyond the fence to get out of this place of where different is dangerous." I say fiddling with my fingers. "Well why are you calling yourself a pansycake?" She asks a hint of unsure in her voice when she uses the dauntless slang.

"I was stupid enough to fall for a boy." I say my mouth moving, voice speaking without my mind thinking.

She nods then looks over, "What's so pansycake like to fall for a boy?" She asks. "The fact he's always on my mind. The fact he's practically holding me back without laying a finger on me." I say once again not even thinking. If my heart could speak that's exactly what it's doing.

"Did you ever think of that as being a good thing?" I shake my head looking over at my mother. I'm not scared to call her my mother unlike Tobias, my fists clench, at least I realize why she left us.

"What makes him so special?" She questions further. My eyes drift out into the night sky once again I let my heart speak for me, "Other than the fact he's a complete asshole at times?" I smile and she lets out a small laugh. "Now now no name calling even if they deserve it."

"Well I always caught him glancing at me back in training and whenever I did my stomach would flutter. Or like recently when I was in Erudite he was always one to ask about my well being and was kind of my person of comfort. Even in a dangerous place he made me feel safe."

I continue on, "He did this cute gestures of brushing his hand against mine in the halls if he wasn't my escort. Or he'd always open the door late at night to see if I was asleep and if I was, or he thought I was, he came in and gave my forehead a quick kiss." I realize I'm making myself smile and my cheeks turn a rosy shade of pink.

"One night I had a nightmare worst than others and he came in asking if I was okay. After a bit of bickering he physically comforted me not only that....he kissed me....and it felt like even though I was going through hell I'd get out alive and well. All thoughts of death escaped my mind and only happy thoughts and warm fuzzy feelings."

"Then why the hell are you on this train!!" My mother says in disbelief then stands up. "Up up." She demands grabbing my arm and pulling me to my feet. "Look at me Ash." I do as said and look into the identical blue eyes that match mine.

"If that's how he makes you feel you need to fight for what you want instead of running away from scary things." I nod my head in understanding and she smiles. "If I don't ever see you again I want you to know I love you okay?" She pulls me into a hug causing me to smile and hug back.

"I love you too mom."

She smiles and lets go, "Make smart decisions I'll support you no matter what." She kisses my forehead then stands by the edge of the train and soon disappears into the darkness of the night leaving me alone to my own thoughts.

After about 10 minutes of decision making I begin to realize that I was stupid and that I had put Tris, an innocent yet idiotic girl, into the hands of Jeanine. Then a though flashes through my head as I remember running into Tobias. He was looking for something in small areas.

What if what he was looking for was actually a person?

Realizing that not only Tris was in danger I pull the gun out of the waistband of my pants and load it.

I totally forgot of how naive little girls could be and how innocent and sweet they are. Along with how they can be used as blackmail.

If I didn't get to her soon the little girl in gray with green eyes and freckles dashed across her cheeks would be dead.

There was no way I was letting little Sally die.

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Hey guys I'm sorry it's been such a long time since I've updated but I couldn't ever think what to write and whenever I tried I got bored.

I did eventually find the little creative part of my brain and it started working again so here's this update. It's more of a filler chapter (like every other chapter I noticed :/) but anyways I hope you guys enjoyed this longer chapter!!

-Ash