Take You - Janoskians

Chapter 22

I rush upstairs to my safe bed, tears in my eyes. I lie, facing the roof, taking shaky breaths to keep back the tears. Suddenly I hear a suspicious rustle outside my window and I cautiously walk over to it, trying to peek through the closed white wooden blinds before giving up and whipping them open. I gasp. "Lu-Luke!" I yell. And then, "Ah!" as I realise that I look like death and dive under the covers of my bed. He had climbed the mango tree next to my bedroom window. I loved that tree, and in mango season I could lean out my window and pick a ripe fruit from its pretty green leaves. But right now, with Luke perching on its steady branches, leaning into my window, I wished for it to be gone. I sit up furiously as he clambers into my room.

"Th-This is a violation of my privacy!" I yell. He stands there, slumped and looking at the floor. I scoot out of bed and towards him before I realise that no- I can't comfort him. "Jess.." He says. I close my eyes. "No. No.." I whisper and sit on the end of my bed. "Jess, please let me explain." I stay silent, my eyes still closed. He lets out a deep breath. "O-Okay, so, when you and Beau kissed I was really upset and I guess I never really got over it and I can't help but always be a bit insecure about it because Beau ALWAYS gets the girls and well if we're being honest you're way too good for me, and.. yeah." He speaks quickly. I take a shaky breath. Is he kidding? He's LUKE FUCKING BROOKS for god's sake. He could literally have about a million girls and he is insecure, saying Beau always gets the girls? Saying I am too good for HIM? ME? Jesus Christ.

"And, I guess, cause you never let things go further than under-the-shirt-over-the-bra, I sort of question.. If you are attracted to me at all. I mean.." He adds softly. I just want to cry. "Luke.." I say, my voice hoarse, opening my eyes. "Luke. I can't do that- just not yet, okay? It's just too soon in our relationship for that and.. I'm sorry." I finish in a whisper. "Not yet."

"I know and I respect that, but.." he comes closer, standing so close to me that I could put my hand up and touch his chest. "I want you." He says, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. I close my eyes again, standing up. "Is that all you want from me, then?" I say harshly. "No- no, I want to- love you and kiss you and be with you, and I don't mind waiting, I swear. But I can't help but be insecure, Jess."

"WHY NOT!? You're LUKE BROOKS! Why are you insecure? Thousands of people love you for being YOURSELF, and thousands of girls want YOU." I yell, my finger jabbing his chest accusingly. He looks at me sadly. My fingers crumple into a fist, resting on his chest.

"But it's what you think that matters, baby." He says softly.

"Well it shouldn't." I say, shaking my head. "I'm nobody. And-" I am cut off by Luke stepping forward, encircling his arm around my waist, and locking his lips with mine. My fingers make their way from his chest to his cheekbones, and rest there. We break apart, and he breathes heavily over my lips that are barely inches from his, gazing at them before flicking his eyes up to meet mine. He leans in again and I turn my head, so his lips hit my cheekbone. I put my hand to his chest and push him backwards, because I am already against the end of my bed. My eyes search his face, confused.

"I kissed your brother, Luke. Remember, you hated me? Why don't you hate me right now? Are you done with that now? Do you just build it all up until you're so frustrated and mad at me that you have to hurt me? Why.. Why do you do that? I can't.."

He watches me carefully.

"I love you, Jess."

I step forward, gently take his bloody fist and kiss it softly. "I- I love you too, but-" We stare at each other for a while. I sigh quietly.

"What does this mean?" He whispers. I stay quiet and still. "Jess, what does this mean.." he yells, and then in a softer tone, "For us?" I hold in tears as i watch him pace back an forth. "W-What about growing old together and going to concerts and learning things and getting married and leaving?" he asks, pain in his voice. "What happened to loving me?" He asks, moving closer and locking his eyes with my moist ones. I breathe in sharply and turn away from him, retreating to a corner of the room. I feel his hand on my arm, gently trying to tug me around to face him. "Don't look at me." I whisper. "I have to." he argues. "I have to. I have to- I love you. Please, Jess, I love you, don't do this. Please." I turn around gingerly. "Luke, I'm ashamed of all these things I've done. But I don't mean to do them. I'm sorry. I'm so- so sorry." I say, letting out a sob. He watches me closely. "But if you're ashamed of them too, ashamed of me, and you're dwelling on these terrible things, thinking about it, thinking about the worst parts of me, then I'm sorry. But I can't live like that." I cry. His eyes are closed and his hand is semi-reaching for me.

"Is that it?" He asks.

"Luke, I-"

"Goodbye, Jess." He says softly, all the edge in his voice gone as he turns and walks out the door.

I stand there, crying softly, thinking about what I just did. I let out a louder sob as I recall the look in his eyes when he reached out to me and I turned away.

"Luke." I run to the doorway, but he is already down the stairs, and I am too late, and he is gone and I feel terrible because of it.

A/N: crying tbh

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