Soft and Silent | Kuroko No Basuke | Open for Requests

Fake | Kise X

  "There ain't no way you can hold onto something that wants to go, you understand? You can only love what you got while you got it."
- Kate DeCamillo | Because of Winn-Dixie

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You never seemed to hold on, you know what I'm saying.

Every single time I screamed out your name as I watched you take a step away from me with that cold glossy look in your eyes, you never seemed to react, not even mutter a single word, just as if you were watching a show enacting right in front of your very eyes and you yourself were the spectator.

Every time I pulled at your sleeve trying to bring you back, you never seemed to turn your head back to even take a single glance at me, your head forever facing the front.

A plastered smile on your face, the silly laughter that rang in the air as you would walk past with girls flocking at your sides just wanting to grab a signature from your esteemed fingers with pen poised. Standing at a corner, perhaps I would watch, but most of the times, I didn't dare to. For the fear that the truth would still come and haunt me, even though I already knew that it did.

For the times that I could barely even recall anymore, how we used to walk down in the park. Blissful smiles on our faces, hot drinks in our hands but nothing warmer than the sheer touch of our hands together in the winter. Snow falling down ever so gently while you used to smile at me and then pull me in closer, hugging me into your big wool jacket sponsored by some big brand that I only seemed to hear of by the chattering of those girls surrounding you.

At the flash of the camera, you would still smile for the picture, but yet your hand, even though holding onto my shoulder, seemed to feel so stiff and rigid unlike the previous times when it used to be so warm and soft. There was this small distance between us as we would smile for each picture, but everyone knows how the distance was further than that between the two of us.

Perhaps, you had forgotten about those times when you would take my hand and then eagerly introduce me to everyone you knew as if you were afraid someone would bully me. Now, you just simply run over to your friends, chatting with them with that bright smile of yours that I can't see anymore, while I stand at the bench, silent with no sign of any emotion on my face even though God knows how much my heart aches.

Akashi used to tell me to let go, but I was too stubborn at that time. Come to think about it now, he was right all along. 

Were you still upset over the fact that I was somebody else at the end of the day? That I wasn't what I portrayed myself to be?

Truthfully, I wasn't that innocent girl that you wanted to protect in the harshest of the weathers. As the blade slit across my wrists every single time, I would think of you, smiling at me with your kind eyes as your hand reaches out to me again like the first time that we met, your blond hair ruffled by the wind. The wounds never healed because they were always reopened every single time I couldn't handle it anymore. Scars layered my wrist, crisscrossing one after the other. 

It surprised me that it took you so long to realize but then again, it doesn't matter now does it?

Maybe you were upset by how I was faking it in front of you, pretending I was alright when I wasn't, but can't you say the same for yourself? How you so easily turned against me once you found out, as if we never seemed to know each other anymore in this crowd of people. 

I used to think that I could spot you in the crowd of people, your stunning blond hair and sweet cheerful smile shining in the sea of people, while you always seemed to be able to reach me in the crowd, hand gripping onto me tightly for fear of me being lost. Yet, at the end I realize, that I'm the only one left who can spot you in the crowd as you walk away from me so quickly in pure disgust, hands wiping against your shirt like you've touched something absolutely gross.

Perhaps, even as I stand here today in the crowd of people walking on the road as the green man flickers when the timer starts counting down, you won't find me anymore simply because your eyes aren't fixated on me anymore.

As the green man switches to the red man on that traffic light, I can only stand there in absolute silence, tears not even willing to drip down my cheeks, as I watch you on the streets, the hand phone we bought together pressed against your ear. There's a vague distant ringing that sounds so familiar to my ears, as if it was the ring tone you helped me set specially for your contact on my phone, but I can't even hear anything anymore.

Maybe, one day, you'll remember and realize that I was right in front of you, just like how I used to be in the past waiting for you to hold onto me, before the world collapsed in front of me.

-

I don't know, I feel pretty emotional somehow.

Like, I don't know. I need someone to keep me grounded and pull me back sometimes because I feel like I'm going insane.

- BESIDES THAT -

can anyone please teach me how to makeup?

Like foundation and concealer and what?

Please, steps?

Thanks. 

hahahahaz