My Book of Everything

Fairytale Ending

I've always hated the moment in books where the girl decides to go out with the super nice, really sweet guy who is practically in love with her just to "give it a try." She doesn't really like them, but she wants to. She desperately wants to like him, to fall in love and be happy. But she just can't. She's still pinning after this other guy, hopelessly attracted to him, only wanting him. But she still tries. She gives this sweet, nice guy a chance, just because she wants that fairytale ending, she wants her happily ever after.
I never liked those decisions. I'm not saying I always wanted her to choose the other guy, sometimes I rooted for the nice one, but I hated the fact that she had to choose between hoping for him to like her back eventually or going for the guy who was already devoted to her and hoping she'll like him some day. But here I am, in this situation.
I desperately want to fall for the nice guy, but I am still hanging onto the hope that I'll get the one I really want. I want to say yes, agree to go out with him, but I just can't. I don't want to date someone I can't give myself to fully. I will always have that feeling that I'm not giving my all, that little bit of me still wanting what I can't have. I want my fairytale ending, even if it's just for now. But what ending do I want? Do I keep hoping that senpai will finally notice me, or do I choose the one who's  already there, already seeing me and waiting for me to like him back? Do I choose waiting for something that might never come, or do I go for what's there now, even if it's not what I really want? Do I choose something I want now, or something that I might learn to want later? What do I do? The answer: I don't know.