Song of Hope

Song of Hope - Chapter 3

Chapter 3

There is nothing like waking up, cuddling with your favorite girl. ‘Lacey is just like me and not a morning person.’ Austin thought as he pulled his daughter close and she snuggled on to his chest. This was his favorite time of day, before Lacey completely woke up and just enjoying holding her.

He had always enjoyed this part of the morning, it had begun as a normal daily routine when Sonya was alive. She WAS a morning person and would go and get their daughter and place her in Austin’s arms every morning to wake them both up.

Now that it was just him and Lacey, he would stumble to her room and bring her back to his bed for what they called “cuddle time” which would eventually turn into tickle time. But, it got them both facing the day giggling and laughing together.

It had almost been a week since the wedding and Austin had done a pretty good job trying to keep Sydney from running through his mind. She was beautiful and she stirred things in him that he thought was gone with Sonya. But, now holding his daughter, he needed to be practical. Everything he did was for her. Holding Lacey a little closer, he wanted to protect her from his thoughts, no he was as happy as he would ever be right now.

But, what Sydney said about him not allowing himself to be happy, and putting pressure on Lacey for his only source of happiness. Was she right? Was he going to harm his daughter unknowingly by not being truly happy? That was absurd!

Besides, the fact that Sydney relied heavily on God had been weighing heavy on his mind. He couldn’t feel about the God the same way Sydney did. How could he love a God that took Sonya away at age twenty-seven? The God that left him alone at twenty-eight to raise a baby as a widower?

No, right now, God was the farthest thing from his mind. And in all honesty, Millie and Paul’s wedding was not only the first wedding he had attended since Sonya’s death, it was also the first time he had stepped into a church. No, God would not take care of him and Lacey, he had to do that on his own.

Suddenly the body laying on his chest began to squirm and wiggle. He knew she was looking for the perfect tickle spot, so as usual he lifted his arm and put his hand behind his head opening an area up for her.

Lacey’s small fingers went to Austin’s side and began “tickling” which felt more like gentle scratching. Austin laughed more at the fact that his daughter had not learned the art of tickling and was this little dainty tickler. He laughed and suddenly flipped her over on her back, cradling her so he did not hurt her and then began to tickle her ribs and her thighs with her squirming and giggling the whole time.

“Daddy,” she breathed between fits of laughter, “I love you!”

“I love you too Lacey Bean!” a nickname he had given her when she was born and Sonya placed their very small daughter in his hands and he said that she was, “No bigger than a bean.” He lowered his head and pulled up her pajama shirt revealing her stomach, lowering his head he blew a raspberry onto her stomach and she squirmed and giggled some more.

“Daddy?” Lacey said getting serious like she often did. Austin always thought that she was too mature for her age. She placed a hand on the side of his face rubbing his facial hair that had not yet been shaved, looked up with her big blue eyes, so much like her mothers, she said, “You wook sad. What’s de matter?”

She could always tell when he was thinking about Sonya. He tried to keep her pictures up around the house and talk about her so the child in his arms would not forget the mother she would never really know. But, days like today, it hurt. He knew he would never be over Sonya’s loss, but he needed to be strong for his daughter.

“I’m fine Bean.” Austin said with a smile knowing Lacey was too young to realize he was faking. “I just love you sooooo much. But, we really need to get you dressed and to Mawma’s so Daddy can get to work!”

“Aww Daddy! I wanna be wif you!” Lacey pouted.

“I know Bean, but tomorrow is Saturday and we will have all day together, maybe even a trip to the zoo?”

“Really Daddy? I can see de monkeeees?” Lacey’s face shown with excitement at going to the zoo, her favorite place in the world.

“Yep. But, I gotta get to work, so why don’t you help me pick out your clothes so we can get going.” Austin said as he tossed his daughter up in his arms leaving behind the comfort of his bed along with the thoughts of past dreams. Knowing now he needed to focus on his daughter instead of fairy tales that were impossible to believe in anymore.


***


Sydney walked into her office at the church and deposited her pocketbook and her freshly dry cleaned dress on the hook by the door. She was amazed that the dry cleaner was able to get the stain out of her dress. Shaking her head she marveled at modern technology, which then made her think of Paul and Millie.

Sydney was use to not seeing Paul during the week, only on Tuesday staff meetings and Sunday for church, but she had never been out of contact with him for more than a day! He and Millie were happily married and secluded at his family cabin. Two weeks without her best friend, no contact at all! As far as she knew, there wasn’t even a TV at the cabin! She couldn’t wait for the couple to be back. 'One week down, one week to go,' she thought sadly to herself.   

Not only was she missing Paul and Millie, but she wanted to find out more about Austin. He had been weighing on her mind all week. He looked so sad when he talked about his wife. Then the way he shut her out when she told him how she felt about him putting all the pressure of his happiness on his daughter. She knew she hurt him, but she had to be herself and lay everything on the line.

She pulled his card out of her purse and typed in his email address. Sitting at the computer she logged into her email and hit compose. ‘Well,’ she thought, ‘he did offer to pay for the dry cleaning.’



Austin,

Thanks for the offer to pay for the dry cleaning. The dry cleaner was able to get the stain out, it surprised me too!! The total was $15.

But, I had an idea, next time you are down, why don’t you buy me and Lacey a mani-pedi. I am sure she will enjoy it as much as I do and I really would like to meet her. The way you talk about her it seems like I already know her.

Well, let me know.

Your friend,
Sydney


Sydney sighed when she sent it, and realized the ball was in his court. All she wanted was friendship, nothing more and it was now up to him.


That afternoon Sydney had a reply in her inbox.

Sydney,

Thanks for getting that to me.

I’m sure Lacey would love it. She normally has to put up with her manicures by me or her MawMaw. But, would I get to come too? I mean, I don’t think I have ever had one and it doesn’t seem fair that I would pay for it and not get anything in return.

I promised my parents that since Lacey did not get to come down with me for the wedding we would be there for Thanksgiving. So, let me know if that works for you.

Your friend,
Austin


Almost immediately, Austin had a reply in his inbox.


Austin,

Oh man, Paul will be taking away your man card!! But sure, you can come with us! I hear it is very European for a guy to get a mani-pedi. Let me know if I need to book a waxing in there as well, we don’t want any unsightly toe hair going on after a pedicure. :-)

Syd


That night Sydney could not get Austin off of her mind. She was glad he took her olive branch so to speak, and was allowing her to become his friend. She couldn’t wait for Millie to get back. She would be calling her up right away for a girls day out to get the scoop on Austin.

She had her laptop in bed with her as she was listening to some new music she had found on YouTube that would work great for her praise and worship on Sunday. She found herself rejoicing in the song and singing along with the music.

A message popped up in her window from Austin. He had invited her to be on Google Chat with him after sending his last email and so she accepted. Surprised to see him on this late she replied.



Austin: r u on?
Sent 12:13 AM on Saturday
Sydney: yeah u r up late
Austin: tell me about it
Lacey had a nightmare
Sydney: Poor thing
is she ok?
Austin: yeah dreamed about Sonya
Sydney: I’m sorry
Austin: it’s ok, brought her to bed with me
and my laptop, figured I’d get some work done
Sydney: and how’s that going for u?
Austin: lol NOT
surfin around more like it
what r u doing on this late?
Sydney: watchin youtube
Austin: link please :-)
Sydney: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoC1ec-lYps
one of my fav groups
gonna sing it Sunday
Sent 12:33 AM on Saturday

It took Austin a few minutes to reply. He watched the video and the music was nice, but he couldn’t wrap his head around the words. There was no way that the god they sang about would allow him to suffer, for Sonya to suffer. Then the intimacy they spoke of with god. No, he could not believe what they were singing.

Austin: do u believe that?
Sydney: what that God loves us?
Austin: yeah - I can’t
Sydney: yeah I believe it
y don’t u?
Austin: because i watched my wife die at 27
a god that loves her would not make her suffer
a god that loves me would not leave me a widower at 28
Sydney: Look i’m sorry for ur loss, but you can’t tell
me that God does not love you because ur wife died
Austin: u have no idea what i went through
so please don’t judge
Sydney: i’m not trying to judge but tell u from
experience. NO i did not lose a spouse,
but my mother died at 53 from cancer
i was in college away from her
i know how it feels to lose someone
Austin: i’m sorry i didn’t know
Sydney: it’s ok but I know how it feels to lose someone
i also know how it feels to want to blame God
Austin: y don’t u? blame god?
Sydney: well #1 I knew my mother would haunt me! LOL!
she was a mighty woman of God and she would want me to
understand that it was her time... #2 I knew that God only does
things for a reason. At my mother’s funeral, i had 4 cousins and
2 uncles give their lives to God... at a FUNERAL!! My family
had been praying for them for years. #3 I would never know the
love God has for me if I blamed him. He has done amazing
things in my life and I give Him all the glory. But, if I would have
blamed Him and cursed Him, I would not be where I am today.
Austin: I just can’t forgive him
Sydney: until you do, you will not see what God has in store
for you.
Sent 12:53 AM on Saturday

Austin: can we change the subject?
Sydney: sure...ur dime!
Austin: ???
Sydney: nothin... just something my dad says I guess it is a
throw back to when a payphone cost a dime or something.
Austin: OKKKKKK
Sydney: I know...tell me about it!!
so, what do you want to talk about?
Austin: mani-pedi’s never had one
Sydney: Oh they are so good! 1st they soak your feet in
warm water and then they rub them and buff them and
the best part they massage them. Then you pick the
polish you want and they paint them.
Austin: so? what color do u get?
Sydney: i’m normally a french polish type girl, but will get a
color sometimes, nothing toooooo out there
u?
Austin: LOL I think I will go ala natural
Sydney: LOL so u won’t get a color?
Austin: NO...lets just say if I ever do I will have to
surrender the man card
Sydney: I’ll tell u what, let’s make a whole day out of it
Austin: I don’t know if I can handle a spa day
Sydney: no... I mean afterwards I will treat u both to lunch
Austin: OK sounds fun
when do u want to do this?
Sydney: well, we can’t Thursday...turkey day of course
I will be shot if I do it on Friday
Austin: y??
Sydney: Black Friday...we all get together and shop!
OH!! You should come!! Guys and girls come it is really
huge and we meet at the church at 5 AM
Austin: in the MORNING? NO WAY!
Sydney: Oh come on! At least think about it!!
Alexis & Millie will b there!
Austin: Alexis gets up early every day...her job
Millie probably has not gone to bed yet!!
No...I like my sleep.
Sydney: well think about it at least
Austin: OK
Sydney: how’s Saturday?
Austin: sounds good
Sydney: OK
Austin: I hate to do this because I am having fun
but I have a hot date with a princess and a monkey
tomorrow. Can we do this again?
Sydney: sure...but u will need to explain the monkey thing
Austin: LOL zoo tomorrow with Lacey
Sydney: well have fun and goodnight
Austin: goodnight sleep tight
Sydney: don’t let the bed bugs bite!
Austin: ttyl :-)
Sent 1:57 AM on Saturday


That night for the first time in a year and a half, Austin fell asleep with a grin on his face.