✖️ To Forgive and Forget [ MARTIN GARRIX ] [ COMPLETED ] ✖️

✖️ Chapter Twelve: Past ✖️

It feels like bliss is floating around me as I see other people in the room feeling the same as I am right now. No worries can be given as I am in this state of euphoria that is sending good vibes to everyone that is with me. I can finally let go and enjoy myself for the first time since I've started this hectic career.

"Rainn," His voice rang in my ears as I scanned the room for his face among the junkies. "Take it before I drop it." My arm was nudged with Martin's hand as he held out a long black vape for me to take beside me.

I took the vape and breathed it in deeply to let it all out of my mouth in relief. Martin smiled at me and I took another drag at it and gave it back to him so we could share it. I leaned on his side and rested my head on his shoulder as I saw two girls dancing slowly with each to the music playing from speakers.

"Happy birthday," one of the girls sang aloud as she looked my way with her eyes half closed. "Dear Rain. You smell like a monkey and look like one too." She started hooting and howling at me as my friends joined in to celebrate my birthday.

Covering my face with a throw pillow, I laughed along with Martin as I felt myself being lifted up and dragged to the kitchen. The cushion was removed to show me a round cake with my name written on it. White powdery lines were set on either side of the dessert for a pre-party snack.

"Birthday girl gets the first lick," one of my friends said pushing me forward to the counter for me to take in the substance. "Have as many as you want." I chuckled and leaned over to snort the cocain in through my nose.

Everyone cheered once again as I leaned back in relief and shook my head from the rush that took over my body. Martin put his arm across my shoulders as my friends finished off the rest of drugs and started throwing the cake at one another. I walked back into the smoke filled living room and sat on the arm of a couch.

"Thank you," I whispered out as Martin placed his hands on either side of my hips. "This was well needed." His fingers played with the fabric of my shirt and his eyes looked into mine as I felt my own hands grab at the hem of his shirt bottom.

"I'm glad to spend it with you." Martin said as he leaned in and kissed my lips softly as I felt him move closer to me and climb his hands farther up my body. I removed my hands from his torso and placed them around his neck so he could lean in closer, make the kiss more enjoyable.

Everything in this moment was splendid. The taste of Martin's lips, the still lingering smoke in his mouth, the hair on his neck, his slender fingers cooling my skin, the smell of the drugs in the air covering him. I could live in this moment forever with Martin, until I die.

"I love you."

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It was all just a dream, but it felt so real, like it has already happened. My body is numb as I try to distinguish between my dreams and reality as I wipe my eyes of sleep and pull myself out of bed. The curtains are drawn over the windows and darkness covers me as I walk to the bathroom.

I stand in front of the mirror with the lights off trying to wake up from the dream. I can still smell the cake and vape smoke, taste Martin's lips on mine, and feel the loving touch of Martin's fingers. It lingers in my head as I turn on the lights and see my rugged looking face.

"I'm glad to spend it with you." Martin's voice still sticks with me as I splash water on my face to wake me up from the state of sleep I'm still in. Taking a quick shower, I rinse off and I can still feel the touch of Martin's hands on my skin.

"Rain," I hear a knock at the door of the room and notice it's Jared. "I hope your decent." He enters the room as I slip on a jacket and close the bathroom door behind me. Jared stares me down as I pull the hood off my head. His eyes give me a deadly glare and I return one of my own.

"'Morning," I said taking a seat on the edge of the bed. Jared still stares at me, but his features soften as he smiles lightly at me. "Do we have a schedule for today?" Maybe if I do something then I'll forgot what happened in the dream and what went on yesterday after the show.

"You are totally free as of right now." Jared responds glowing. He has not had a day off in weeks and he's very happy to do nothing for the rest of the day. Laying back on the bed, I close my eyes tightly and wish to be occupied with something.

"Do you think I could, or we could, fly back home?" I questioned sitting back up and opening my eyes. Jared pondered for awhile and shook his head. He said that the jet isn't ready for us to take and that Julian and Martin would be left without any ride back as well.

At that time, another knock was heard at the door and I whipped my head in that direction. Ben and Martin walked in with Julian lagging behind them like a lost puppy as Jared stood up to greet them. I sat still on the edge of the bed, hoping that no one would notice me or at least not make eye contact.

"'Morning Rain," Julian said landing hard on the bed beside me. "You sleep any good?" Nodding my head, I laid back down on the duvet and covered my face with a pillow. I tried to speak, but my voice with muffled by the feathers.

"How's it going you two?" I questioned lifting the pillow up and then setting it back on my face. Julian replied, like always, but Martin stayed quiet as I felt him lay down next to me. Jared and Ben's conversation was moved into the next room and we were left alone.

"Hungry?" Martin solemnly asked as my stomach answered for me. "Same. Hey, Julian, can you go ask Ben to call room service?" I heard Julian get up and walk out of the room to get our managers attention.

"You don't have to apologize," I started as I removed the pillow and stared at the ceiling. "I shouldn't have ran off after... that happened. I-I wasn't in the right mind when you did it, but..." Looking away from the popcorn ceiling, I looked at Martin who was already staring at me.

"I am sorry, really. It was not my place to do that to you. It made me feel really bad and I'm sure you feel just as bad..." Martin was still talking, but I wasn't listening as I took in what he just said. He thinks he knows what I felt.

When someone says to me 'I know how you feel,' it really boils my anger. They are not me and, in no way, are they ever going to know how I feel or what I feel. I was trying not to stop Martin and yell at him, but I've had about enough with everything that he's been wanting from me.

"Really?!" I said louder than I intended it to be. Sitting up, I stared at him as he slowly sat forward. "You think you know just what I'm feeling? How it made me feel 'bad?'" I am now standing with my hands in balls by my side as I waited for his response.

"Rainn, you know that's not what I meant." Martin said as he stood up too and raised his hand to place on my shoulders. I stepped back and stared him down, blood boiling with anger and frustration.

"You don't know what I know!" I screamed even louder this time as I heard Jared, Ben, and Julian make their way into the room. "Keep your mouth shut or don't talk about me like you know me so well!" I didn't know what I was saying anymore. It felt like I was in my past, yelling at my mom and siblings.

"We are friends, Rainn. We are suppose to know each like we are brothers and sister." Martin pointed at himself, Julian, and I, trying to prove his statement. Martin tried to step forward to help me calm down, but I shoved him backwards into the bed as I still fumed and clenched and unclenched my hands.

"Rain, stop," Jared said as Ben went over to Martin's side. "You are better than this." The anger in me just kept flowing as I turned around to take it out on Jared too. I've had enough of my manager too.

"Am I?! Am I that little goody two shoes that everyone thinks I am?! No! I'm not!" The tears were brimming at the edge of my eyes now, threatening to spill over. "I'm much worse! You just haven't seen it yet, Jared! None of you have!" Pushing past Julian as he stared at me in shock, I stomped out of the room and slammed the door behind me.

The sounds of the dream come back and repeat themselves as I finally let the tears fall.

'I love you'

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I am sorry!!! I will fix it, I promise!!!

This is long! Like I said I would do. Everything with be alright between Rain and Martin soon enough!

Love,
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