Forever 4: "The Journey" (Hariana / Diall)

20: The Attachments

I started a thing without an end, but only the infinite journey in the rocky and painful road.

E L E A N O R

"Can you tell me something, Louis?" I asked, trying not to be angry.

It's been weeks, fucking three weeks since me and Louis starts fighting over and over on something that he knows and that something that I really don't know. I've been a little clueless on that and he isn't opening up about it. I've been paranoid on that weeks until now and it continue to grow. All of the anxiety, nervousness and all of the panics that I've been experiencing is a shitty feeling. Since there is really something going on. I'm not ready if when will he drop that bomb and just blow the heck out of me.

That's why I'm asking him now repeatedly but he's not giving any si gle word. Maybe he looks frustrated and I'm frustrating him more but can't he understand what I'm feeling, generally? I've been suffering from anxiousness since I saw the name "Briana" on his phone and when they called. I always heard them on the phone while my curiosity and jealousy is killing me, eating me inside and out.

"There's nothing, El!" He shouted, startling me.

"Don't you dare lie to me, Louis!" I shouted back.

"I'm not even lying, El! Why can't you just stop!? I'm fucking stress, Eleanor!" He shouted once more.

I know we will reach this point after all but that doesn't matter. I need to know every single thing that is being hidden to me. Even if I'm acting like a selfish bitch, sometimes I need to think about myself to. Remember that life is not all about everyone, in the end, it will be always yourself. It's you who will survive until the end and it's you if you will be alone in the end or not.

In life, it's not bad to me selfish sometimes, it's just showing how you want yourself not to be harmed. Maybe some people is selfish, only thinking about themselves, maybe because they are scared of being harmed. And I'm really being like that right now. It's better that I have my strength to know that secret than to know about it on sometime wherein I'm not ready to accept it.

"Really!? On what you're saying right now, you jist lied, asshole! So, fucking tell me what is it!?" I shouted and starts to lrt my tears to come out from my eyes.

I don't want this to happen between us after all we've been through. Mostly the one year when we didn't have any communication, we didn't know if we will still be togehter in that one year of being separated. But we still lpve each other and we ended up together again. God gave us another chance to be together again, to be with our life and to be with our happiness. But now, in just a single secret everything is falling and breaking into pieces?

"Just stop, El, please... I'm begging you." He said with his teary eyes as he put his hands on my arm, pleading with pain in his eyes and in his words.

"I can't, Lou. I really want to know about it. As your girlfriend, I have a right..." I said calmly and of course, I can't take it to see him like that. But in the mere fact that he is hiding something, I just can't let it go.

"I know, but can you just stop at least for now?" He asked as his face weakens.

I didn't say anything and just turned my back and sit on the edge of the bed. I closed my eyes for a bit deciding if I want to stop my paranoia thinking, which is true or let him say the truth that I should know since then. I hate to experience this kind of fight. A kind of fight that involves a woman. A woman that can or might break what we have and what we're still having right now. Our relationship. My whole thoughts got break once I heard a ring of a phone. My eyes darted on him as he get it and answering it.