Forever 4: "The Journey" (Hariana / Diall)

23: The Status

When you really love somebody, don't stop even though it hurts a lot.

Z A Y N

I'm here at the hospital, cursing mentally at myself and imagining myself dying in a very good reason. Sitting here all alone in the hallway while the silence is devouring me, makes me want to die even more. All of the tears, sadness, fears and hates that are plastered in her face at that time are the features that I hate to see in her. But I'm the one who let her show all of that. I'm really a fucked up guy. Am I even thinking that time to end everything that I have with Perrie? Here's the answer.

Probably not.

I'm still this Zayn guy who is easily scared about things that can ruin what and who I have. I'm afraid to fight every single issue and accusation being thrown at me. I'm not that strong person who can easily shrugged off every hates and I'm not the guy who easily don't give a damn on everything. I admit, I'm such a baby. I can't live without somebody on my life, I always depend on that person in my life and it sickens me all the time. Sometimes I just want to feel alone and let myself live without having some on.

I want to push all of the people who are always there. I want to erase them all in my life and just be by myself. It's not easy and fun, or full of happiness to be surrounded by people. Sometimes they can cause you to be the other someone or to do the things that you didn't do before they even get in your life. People change and people also change people. We keep changing ourselves and we keep changing people around us. We don't know if we just want them or want ourselves to belong in us or to them.

"You should go home now..." Jade said in monotone once she, Jesy and Leigh-Anne went out of the room.

"I-I want to see her..." I said and stood up, wiping the tears flowing down on my cheeks.

"I think you shouldn't and I won't let you." Jade sternly said, crossing her arms, while she's giving me her daggers of glares.

"Just go home, Zayn. You need to rest." Jesy said, while Leigh-Anne is giving me an assuring nod.

"No. I just want to explain everything, to tell her why. It's not my intention to let her get through this... It's just me who's the problem..." I rambled and looking at them with regrets.

"Correct. It's you! It's always been you who cause pains and hurtful things to Perrie! It's always been like it and sorry for intruding, but I can't stand to see her getting hurt! You keep ruining her life! You're a fucking asshole, you're such - - " Jade was cut off by Leigh-Anne, I admit that I'm pretty hurt on what she said but I really deserve it in a way which is worse than that.

"Jade, just stop. Zayn, if you want to talk to her or to see her, we will let you." Leigh-Anne said calmly but before Jade could shout on my face again, Jesy mumbled something that stopped her and starts walking away, followed by Leigh-Anne who hugged me, patting my back.

"I'm really sorry..." Are the words I could only say.

"Just don't worry about Jade, she's just really concern and were sorry for her actions." Jesy said and hugged me.

"I know both of you and Perrie, needs to settle down or make up things and we don't want to interfere with it. Just go inside..." Leigh-Anne said and after I thanked them, they followed Jade.

I didn't waste time to open the door and enter the room. In just one step, her sobs are very audible, reminding me that I'm the cause of it. I saw her sitting on th bed while leaning her back on the board. She looks up to see who it is, her eyes are swelling and those weakened, devastated face that I saw makes my chest pound so hard, like I'm having a cardiac arrest. She didn't give any glares or any anger plastered on her face but it's just full of sadness and negative feelings.