Spoken Word

Trauma

I am torn between my mind and heart. My mind keeps on telling me that that's enough.

You suffered too much, you loved too much and you are already moved on. You are happy now young lady. But my heart disagree because it keeps on telling me that you are broke.

You are a hopeless case. Your heart has a big scar that even it doesn't bleed anymore, it will always be a reflection that he fooled you once. I kept on saying that I'd totally forgive him.

Yes, I'd forgive him already but I can't deny the fact that he wrecked me. He taught me that love is not a good path to walk in. He gave me a fucking trauma. The feeling that I can't love him again but at the same time I can't love either anyone. And now he wants to be back into my life, but everytime I've imagine that, I feel the nausea that I felt before.

I don't know what I am going to do. I don't know if I am just pretending that I'm okay or if I am truly recovered from what he did to me five years ago.

J.