Why Don't You Just Kiss Me Then.

Why Is Everyone So Wise Except Me?

        Sad, depressed, miserable, dumped, sad. . .

        I line my lips with a pale pink gloss, fluffing my hair slightly to make it appear less messy. I brush my eyelashes with a layer of waterproof mascara, I'm pretty sure that I'll be crying today. I'm tired of crying, I've done so much of it the past few days. I sigh as I look over my reflection in the mirror. Leggings and a long, short-sleeved shirt. Simple enough, right? I feel a pull of sadness in my chest as I think of what I'm about to do. I don't love him, so why am I so sad?
        I grab my phone and stride out the front door quickly, shouting a small bye to Thomas. Three days ago, he tried to kiss me. And I almost let him. How could I? He's my best friend, and Matt. . .
        I feel my eyes begin to heat up with tears, and I leap into my aunt's car hurriedly, as if to escape the misery that bombarded my every move. I plugged the keys into the ignition violently, almost laughing at my exaggerated and and overly-emotional mood. I start the car and pull out jerkily, not wanting to go back on what I promised myself I would do.
This might be the most difficult thing I'll ever have to do.
Oh, please. That's ridiculous. It's just a boy, Amabel.
I shake my head and concentrate on the road to attempt to clear my conflicted mind. It is just about a five-minute drive to the coffee house where I am meeting Matt, and when I arrive I attempt to pull myself together before walking through the glass doors.
         When I see him, I want to cry again, and he seems to notice as I fall into his arms, pulling at the back of his shirt slightly with the effort of regaining my composure.
"What's wrong, sweet Belle?" He asks solemnly, and a tear slips down my cheek. I wipe it away quickly in hopes that he won't notice, and he pulls away to look at me.
"Nothing, I just need a coffee." I say dismissively, and give him another quick squeeze before going to order something from the counter.
Listen, Matt. I have grown. . . So close to you over the past two months, but all good things have to end at some point. I'm leaving next week, and it's really hard to say this, but I don't think it's going to work. I've done this before, and all long distance relationships do is break people. You are amazing, and I really hope. . .
My brain-monologue is interrupted by the pretty blonde teenager standing at the cashier.
"Hi, I'm Maddy, what can I get you?" She asks cheerily, and I envy her for her good mood. I quickly scorn myself as I order a cold carmel drink, not knowing exactly what it is. I watch her as she makes the coffee, and I can see her eyeing my boyfriend with interest as she giggles to herself. Fury joins my chorus of emotions as I pay for my drink and give her the evil eye, as I know I am about to give her exactly what she wants: a cute young single beach hottie. I join Matt at the booth he has chosen, by the window, just like he knows I like it.
"So, what's up?" He asks, gazing at me with those gorgeous dark eyes. So similar to Thomas'. ..
"Oh, uh, nothing much. . ." I roll my eyes internally, angry with myself before reaching across the table to grasp Matt's hands.
"Actually, there's something I want to talk to you about. . ." I say, trailing off as I feel the sadness hit me again. Matt hangs his head before looking back up at me cutely.
"I'm being broken up with, aren't I?" I nearly choke on my own spit.
"Wha-. How did you. . . know?" I ask, coughing as I watch him sadly.
"I just. . . figured." He says, obviously not wanting to elaborate as he looks back at me with an equally depressed look.
"Matt, I really don't want to break up with you. . . you are amazing, and I wouldn't trade you for the world, but I'm-"
"In love with your best friend?" Matt says, smiling sadly as he rubs his thumb over my hand. I am taken aback as I give him a confused look.
"Well, no, actually, I'm going back home next week." I say, accidentally sounding indignant.
"Oh, come on, Amabel, I thought we knew each other better than that. You've loved him from the moment I met you, from the moment he picked you up and sat you in the chair across from me. And he loves you, too. I hope you know that." He seems purely sincere, and I wonder how a human could ever be so amazing and kind. Why, why am I breaking up with him?
"Well, I don't know about that. . ." I say cautiously, thinking back to the day I met Matt.
"You may not know it, but I've seen the way you guys look at each other. I was just waiting for you to realize." He gives my hand a squeeze and stands up.
"Matt-"
"Goodbye, Belle. Stay in touch." He says, laying a hand on my shoulder lovingly before walking out the café door, leaving me to sit in the dark red booth, sad and astonished.

IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED?
IS THIS WHAT YOU SICK, TWISTED HUMANS WANTED?
YEAH, I KNOW YOU LOVE ME.
DANG IM GONNA MISS MATT BRO HE WAS MY FAVORITE FRIEND MAYBE ILL DATE HIM NOW.
ANYWAYS, IM FINALLY DONE WITH THAT PLAY THING I TRIED OUT FOR.
DID I EVEN TELL YOU GUYS ABOUT THAT?
WHALE THATS WHY I COULD HARDLY UPDATE BC SCHOOL AND PLAY AND WOW.
SUCH WOW.
ANYWAYSSSS SO ALL I HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IS SCHOOL (GROSS) AND YOU GUYS (YUMMY) SO AYEEE.
IM SO SORRY IDK WHY I WROTE THAT. "AYEEE". OH LORD ILL JUST SHOW MYSELF OUT NOW.
OH BTW I AM SO OBSESSED WITH THIS BAND PANIC! AT THE DISCO NOW SO AMABEL WILL PROBS LISTEN TO THEM WHILE DEBATING LIFE PROBLEMS SOON
#SAMEAMABEL
SO YEAH THATS WHATS WITH ME SO WHATS WITH YOU?
I wANt TO kNoW pLS!!!!!!
LOL ILY ALL SO MUCH HAVE A GREAT WHATEVER YOURE HAVING (DAY, NIGHT, CHEESEBURGER)
BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
(Btw ily even more if you actually read these little author note vlog thingies)
oH yEAh byYYyYYYYEEEEEEE!