for him. ~A Tronnor Fic~

2.

Connor.

"No. I'm not gay."

I look at myself in the mirror and look at my body up and down. I'm thin; skinnier than I was when I moved out here to Los Angeles. My legs are short and toned from my many years of running. Every time the thought that I could be gay creeps into my mind, I shudder. Deep down I know for a fact that I am what I keep preventing myself from admitting. However, I just can't bring myself to say the two pivotal and life-changing words in my life.

"I'm-" I choke out the first word, a knot forming in my throat and preventing me from saying the other one. When I look into the mirror, I look in my green eyes and stare at myself.
"I'm-I'm-I'm gay." The words come out as a whisper, barely audible(.com/connor) but I said them. The two words I've been yearning to say have finally escaped my lips and a smile now laces my face.
"I'm gay." I say the words now with more confidence and assurance. I'm coming to terms with my life and my sexuality. And it feels pretty fucking great.

"I'm gay!" I say the words louder now, however still keeping in mind that my neighbors might be able to hear me through the walls. A cheesy smile adorns my face as I smile at myself and realize what I did. I finally did it. I glance at the clock next to me on the wall and panic. Shit I need to be at the concert in a half hour! Tonight I'll be seeing my favorite duo, Oh Wonder. They're album is set to be released in just about ten months and tonight, the small crowd will get to hear all new songs.

Looking back at myself in the mirror, I check to make sure my quiff is styled correctly so that people will hopefully not be able to tell I just went through the most terrifying event in my life. Okay maybe second behind making the decision to move to Los Angeles in the first place. I moved here purely on the hope everything would work out. So far, not everything has and work is slow with my photography. But I still make it work.

I walk out of my bathroom connected to my bedroom and walk to my closet. Deciding upon my outfit, I put on a black pair of skinny jeans, a dark gray v-neck, and a pair of black shoes that come up to my ankles. Too much black, I don't care, I still love the outfit. Once I look like I am semi-normal, I walk outside after calling an Uber. I have no idea whether I'll be drinking tonight or not, but it's always good to have a backup plan.

The Uber arrives and I hop in, telling the middle aged male driver I need a ride to the venue Oh Wonder is playing at. He agrees and says he'll drop me off a block away since the traffic is very heavy by the venue. He drops me off after spending nearly the entire ride talking to me about aliens and their attack that'll soon occur. Awkward. After paying him, I get out graciously to begin to walk to the venue. Going to concerts alone is something I've become accustomed to, as I can just be myself and enjoy the music and dance awkwardly with nobody else to care about.

I have my ticket and drivers license checked at the door and they allow me to pass through the door and into the small club they're playing at. There's a bar at the front half and when you walk past the bar and through a door, there's a room with a stage and balcony looking down at the stage.

After getting myself a drink, I walk up to the crowd and realize that I am most likely the shortest person here. Looking around for a better standing option frantically, I spot a railing and a ramp over to the side. I walk up to the top of the ramp and stand next to a guy already with a drink in hand.

He has dark brown hair styled up and he's holding a drink in his hand cautiously. Light wash denim jeans adorn his thin legs and he wears a black Oh Wonder shirt. The boy looks at his phone, the glow of his screen illuminating and defining his features.  A thought comes into my mind as I realize he looks quite young and I begin to wonder whether this kid is old enough to drink but I shake off the thought. They wouldn't have let him have a drink if he wasn't old enough.

I spot the mystery boy glancing at me multiple times and he catches me staring at him most of those times. All around us people talk excitedly before the concert begins. The lights finally cut out, and both of us turn our attention to the stage as Oh Wonder steps on stage and the crowd begins to cheer. This should be quite the show, not just because of the music but because of my friend to the left of me.