Running

Chapter 25: Home

I get out of the cab leaving me in front of my childhood home. The three story while mansion with a black wooden door, green grass in the front and the old stone driveway.
I walk up to the door ringing the door bell. The door suddenly opens and there she stood. Mom. She's aged since I've seen her. Her face is shocked and crying as she quickly pulls me in for a hug that she hasn't given me since I was five and I came home after my first day of kindergarten.
"Mommy." I cry her name.
"I'm here baby. I'm here." She soothes me as she brushes my hair.
"Come in, it's cold out."
I walk in and take off my coat and it all came back to me all at once. The Christmas tree, walking down the staircase for prom, eating at the dinning room table, walking in to the smell of my mothers home cooked meals. The feeling of love that hugged you whenever you walked in.
"Are you hungry I just made some soup with chicken."
"Thanks mom."
"You can leave your things in your room if you'd like and come down later."
"Okay thanks mom."
I walked up to my room and opened my bedroom door for the first time since before I left for Illinois for College. I saw my old book shelf full of all my books I used to escape reality. I sat on my old bed while looking over my posters of my favorite movies and singers. I could suddenly picture my teenage self sitting on my desk doing my homework or sitting on the floor doing my nails. Reading gossip magazines with Kelly and Emma. I'm home.

I walk downstairs to the kitchen of dark woods and black marble. I see my mom sitting by the counter and I sit next to her.
"How was your flight?" She asks me.
"It wasn't too bad Kelly sent me on first class."
"I'm just glad you're home."
"How much did she tell you?"
"She told the basics."
I start to cry. "Mom I screwed up I screwed up so bad."
"Scarlett look at me and you stop crying right now you are a woman and women don't cry over men."
"I'm not crying about Nick or Matt I'm crying because I'm a failure who can't commit to anything. I've spent the last four years trying to prove that I can be independent and that I didn't need anyone. I've been trying to find my passions and dreams for the past four years and nothing has happened. I still don't know what I am or who I am. I'm right back to where I started."
"You think you're a failure just because you haven't figured out the meaning to your life yet. If that is true then we are all failures. Do you think any one of us knows what the heck we are doing? I sure as hell don't know! Your father doesn't know! And neither do any of your brothers or sisters know! And we may never know. Does that mean that we give up living? Go crying to our mothers that we are failures?" She slapped me across to face to get my attention. "Absolutely not."
"Running away was one of the stupidest things you've ever done but also one of the bravest. You gave up everything so that you can find yourself and I applaud that but next time send me more than just an email." I smiled.
"And as for being right back to where you started. You can never move backwards in life even if you make mistake after mistake it's is those mistakes that we learn from that make us grow. You may not have a clue of what you want to do with the rest of your life but you know more now than you knew four years ago and that is what truly matters."
"What do I do now mom?" I ask her truly asking her for guidance and surprisingly I want her to tell me to go back to Nick.
"Now you are going to eat and then go to sleep." I nodded to her. I knew it wasn't going to be that easy.