Fix You

Chapter 6

She haunted my dreams. Do you know how reliving is this? I live a world where I have her in my arms by night, and wake up in another where I can't even hold her hand. And there were a moment when I really thought we could be happy, that thisguy was just an asshole, and that she and I will run away together and live happily ever after. But we were not in a Disney movie. I was not a Prince, and even if she was close to be a princess, we lived in a real world, made of cries and tragedy, and her life seemed full of it. How am I supposed to make her love again? And to make her love me? Me. The guy who just wanted to be a Disney prince, just for her. I needed answers. First I had no idea who could actually respond to my questions... And then...Ashley. She was her best friend, the one who was there every step of the way, from the biggest smile to the loudest cry. I invite her on set at lunch, so I could know more. And who knows? Maybe she also needs someone to talk to. Even if she had Joey for that, but I was willing to help her too as a friend.

"Nice hair style" she mocks me when I went to take her at the entry. "Fuck you" I laugh before I knock at the warden's window. "It's okay she's with me" I said loudly to the big old man. He nodded and gave me a guest pass, and I put it on Ashley's shoulder when she passed the gate. "So what are we doing? Are you finally gonna let me visit the set of Bones?" she jokes. "No. More exciting. I got sandwiches!" I said as I gave her the one I bought for her from my back pocket. "Ugh, that touch your butt. I don't want it" she refused with a fake disgusted face. "Come on, I only fart on it" I joke. "Charming" she adds as she took the sandwich from my hands. We walk around the Paramount Studio, the sandwiches filling your hands when I decided to break the silence. "How was he?" I asked out of nowhere. When I saw her confused face I add: "I mean... John. Was he like y/n describe him?". She swallows her bite and nods. "He was a really great guy. They loved each other very much, maybe in a way that we couldn't quite understand, but we didn't have to. Everyone was jealous of what they had, they were kind of the quarterback and the cheerleader without the bitching part" she explained. "I remember when he told me he was going to propose. He was so excited, but not about the proposal, about spending the rest of his life with her. We did thousands of jewelry store to find the perfect ring, we discussed for hours about what to grave inside, but he didn't really need me. He had it all planned, he needed a kind of a support I think". I tried to picture him as much as I could, without really knowing why. Maybe knowing him was knowing y/n after all. "And we stepped into one store, he saw that ring and he became obsessed with it. He made it grave 'Our love can only last forever' on it, and he had no idea how this little sentence would meant to her now" she added. She looked down, and I felt bad. I shouldn't have asked. After all he was one of her friends too, and who am I to ask her those kind of things? "I'm sorry, that was a dumb question" I apologize. "It's okay" she smiles at me. It wasn't really genuine, and I was the one responsible for that. Dammit, Darren. "You will need patience" she said. "That's not gonna be easy. She will push you away, she will talk about him, one time she will be okay and the second after she won't" she explained. "I can take it" I assert. "I know. You're special Darren. I tried making her see guys again, and never did she let her walls down. She always acted like a bitch, like that day at the festival, but for some reason she chose to let you into a world she never opened for any guy ever since the accident. It takes a lot of courage to fall in love with a broken piece, and you did" she said. I widen my eyes to her. She knew.

She smiled at me and kept silent for a few minutes until we reached my trailer. "She's not just a broken piece. She's the strongest, funniest, most beautiful woman I have ever seen. And despite everything that happened to her, she's still fighting. She could have abandoned everything, but she decide to get up and face a world she's not even sure to be happy in. I'm not brave because I fall in love with that girl. She is" I corrected her.

For me it was impossible to think that we could live like she does after losing someone we loved that much the way she did. Ashley told me it has been years since y/n hadn't be out on a date with someone. And maybe that was my chance. But I won't call it a date, I don't want to scare her in anyway. I went to her apartment, and just casually asked if she wanted to go with me at the open night of Six Flags. I agreed with Ashley that I would ask her too and she would unfortunately be "busy". And y/n accepted.

We drove to the park, and somehow I felt like she was more intimate with me. Maybe it was because she didn't have to worry about what she can talk and not talk with me anymore, since I now know her story. We headed to the park and we both looked like kids in a candy store. We got beat by a 8 years old at throwing golf balls into glasses, laugh our heart out, and did all kind of rides. I used to think her smile was so beautiful, but it seems so fake in comparison of the one she offered me that night. She seemed happy, truly happy. Not the "I'm okay" kinda happiness, the "I'm doing great" kinda. Ashley was wrong, she wasn't a broken piece. She just needed to not be seen as one, just a girl who needed to learn how to love again without being afraid. "The guy before us barely had a point and he was built like a bulldozer, do we really want to try?" she asked me with a crunched face. I chuckled "We're badass. We can do this" I said, very confident. I had actually no idea if I could actually hit that punching ball without having a big message like 'Boo. You suck' getting lit. "Tell you what, if we both get at least two points each, I reward us with a pizza" I said as I turned to her. I held my hand to her, and she shook it. "Deal" she grinned. We both got in front of the respective punching balls, and got into position. Blaine was boxing, so I kinda knew the position, and she was just copying me so bad. "On 3" she shouted, "1....2....3!".

And we both punched it as hard as we could. And I was right, we were badass. We both made ridiculous scores, but way more than two. We jumped of excitement and shouted hurrahs. Like a reflex, I hugged her. It's only when I felt her frozen against my chest that I knew I shouldn't have done that. That was too soon. But I couldn't let her go. Maybe it was selfish, but I've wanted to hug her for a long time now. Her laugh disappeared faintly, and her arms stayed motionless. I kept my arms around her waist, my head on her shoulder. She smelled so good. After a moment, she sighed from relief and put her arms around my neck. And I understood. She needed affection. She needed someone who were not afraid of taking her in their arms because of how she could react. I felt her relaxing in my arms, like if she was finally find a way to be completely calm again. Could she find that in my arms? I felt her tears on my shoulder and I closed my eyes. She needed to feel important, and she was already so important to me.