Fix You

Chapter 13 - Part 1

You always thought happiness was a weird concept. It comes, and just as quickly, it goes. It makes you smile enough to make you cry a little more after. Your life made you expect the unexpected, always searching for the tiny moment when all trace of happiness will be gone, only to make misery take over your mind.

But you were wrong. Life is not living with fear. It's not watching your steps and asking yourself if you're gonna fall at the next one. It's taking every single laugh or smile to make it a special moment. It's looking at a window not to see the world in grey, but how it really is. And in the real world, you get to choose your own happiness. How you want to build yours and make other people feel it.

It took your nine months to understand it. With him by your side, it took you nine months to understand that you could be happy again, even without John, even without his voice, his smile and his love. You could survive. You would survive. You couldn't even count how many times you cried on Darren's shoulder about your late fiancé, how many times you pushed him away just to make up with him within a second.

The good thing was that you couldn't count either the number of times he made you smile or laugh so much your stomach hurt. And he stayed. He fought with you. And now it was time. You felt ready.

'Free tonight?' you texted Darren around noon. 'I was about to ask the same! See you at 9? - xoxo D' you saw on your phone. You smile and agreed.

You spend the whole day longing the moment. You knew tonight was the night. You spend hours getting ready, doing your make up to make it look perfect, changing your hair style so many times because you didn't like it. Everything had to be perfect.

You were about to leave, but you felt like you had to do something first. You put your purse on your bed, took the picture of John from the nightstand and you put it on your wardrobe. You smiled at it. He seemed so happy, so peaceful. You would never forget the way he used to look at you, and how his blue eyes twinkled when someone said your name. You were in love. And you always will be. You understood that now.

You caught yourself grinning at the picture of that man who shared your life for years. No more tears, no more emptiness. You were grateful to had been able to spend the last years of his life by his side and to have called him your fiancé. He didn't offer you the infinity by his side like he promised, but you were more than thankful for your little infinity.

You opened one of the drawers to find the old red box. The same box you held months ago, when tears used to fall out of your eyes like an habit. You eyed John and smile. That day will be stucked in your memory forever. You opened the box and looked at your ring finger. That beautiful ring. Your engagement ring. You will miss him your whole life. You slide the ring off your finger and put it back in the box carefully. You clapped it closed, took in it your hand and mumbled "Thank you, John". You walked to your closet to find his jacket. The only one you wanted to keep. You put the box back in the jacket's pocket. Right where it belongs.