Fix You

Chapter 10 - Part 1

"I won't give up on you so easily y/n!" he said as you walk to the door. You didn't bother turning around. You dry your tears and went into the building and walked the stairs all the way to your apartment. You open the door and at the second you close it, you lay your back on it and sigh, your eyes looking at the white ceiling. "I assume you saw Darren" Ashley said from the couch. "Yeah I did. He's so stubborn. I mean he can literally have any girl, why did he have to chose me? That guy is unlogical" you say as you throw away your coat and your purse somewhere. "That guy is in love. With you. You shouldn't turn him away". You didn't bother answer and took the pizza off the table to eat on the couch. "What are you reading?" you ask when you saw your friend very concentrated on her book. "The Fault In Our Stars" she answered. You chuckled. How ironic. "Why is that funny?" she frowned. "Hazel is just like me. Except I don't have cancer but I have a broken heart. And some day, the grenade that is my heart will explode on everyone that I love. And I don't want Darren to be hurt by it" you said very seriously. "Hazel is deadly sick. She is meant to die. You are not" Ashley explained calmly without take her eyes off her book. You sighed and just turn on the TV. She wouldn't understand. She won't understand that loving me is a big mistake because I'm not ready. I'm not ready to love something because I will always compare it, or him, to what I had with John. And when he gets sick of it, it would be too late. He will be destroyed. Darren was a good friend. But if he is going to hope for more, faster his feelings will go away, better will he be. "You're right" I lied to Ashley.

The least I could do was not to destroy her on my way too. We just spend the night silently, her with her book and me with my thoughts. "I don't want him to get hurt. He is the one I waited for, the first I trusted. But if having the only man who makes me smile means having him getting hurt, I would never accept it. I would rather die alone than to know he's hurt" you kept saying over and over again in your mind. Your bed felt empty, like always. You turned around to look at John's picture. You frown. "What?" you ask it. "Don't look at me like that John. I do that for him. I'm not afraid of moving on. I just don't want him to get hurt. I'm not scared" you added. You were ridiculous. Talking to a picture like he was talking to you. You knew what he would have said. He would have looked at you with wide eyes until you admitted the truth. You were scared. The idea of falling in love with another man that you were supposed to spend your life with scared you to death. "Don't be scared. Fear is meant to be faced anyway. Let him. Love him. Live" he would have said. You could almost hear his voice saying those words to you. You turned around to not see your smiling late fiancé anymore, and closed your eyes to sleep.

For an whole week, Darren kept calling, texting you, and he was always there, in front of your building, when you went to work, or when you came back. Isn't he supposed to have a job? "I know you didn't have someone else ya know. You never talk to any guy except for me" he once said as you came back from work. He was annoying, but right. "Maybe I've changed" you answered. He chuckled and asked "No you didn't" before you walked away. It was like that for a week. You walk by, he talks, asks, begs, and you ignore. How fun. When you woke up that Saturday, it was like you had been sleeping forever. With that last week full of recordings, late night gigs and Darren stalking you, you were exhausted. You checked your phone to see 4 missed calls and 2 texts. No need to say from who those were. You went out of bed and put a robe on before going to the balcony to face the fresh morning breeze. "Good morning" you heard. You looked down to see Darren leaning against his car. "Don't you have a home or a life to live?" you ask, trying to sound bitchy. This situation had to stop. "I've told you I won't give up. Do you want croissants? They are awesome" Darren said naturally. "No. I don't want anything from you. In what language do I have to tell you that so you understand?" you ask louder. "Oh ok. Well...use the musical language. Maybe that would work" he shrugged. He had an amused smile on his face, and you didn't quite know if he was mocking you or if he was serious about that music thing. "Or maybe we should just go some place to talk, alone" he adds. "And I'm telling you I'm not going" you say as you cross your arms. He wants to play, let's play. He chuckled and a grin grew fondly on his face. "Good choice. I love that one...but this time I'm not leaving without you" he answered as he cross his arms this time. "Listen I'm giving you only ten seconds to go" you said. "Well I won't give up on us. Even if the skies get rough" Darren responded. You rolled your eyes and tried to find the appropriate answer. "I raise above, I sink below everytime you come and go" you finally decided to say. Darren pinched his lips and looked down. "Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones and I will try to fix you" he choose to say as his eyes found your balcony again. "And I just ran out of bandaids, I don't even know where to start. Cause you can bandage the damage, you never really can fix a heart" you explain sadly. "Tell me how to win your heart, for I haven't got a clue. But let me start by saying..." "Don't!" you cut him off. "Don't. You don't wanna say it out loud" you say. He can't. "Why not? That's only how I feel" Darren explained. "No. Think about it. Really. Think about it and don't say it again" you say as you walk back to your apartement. "Y/n!" Darren screamed as you close the window. You took a deep breath and tried to spend the day as normal as it could be. He can't love you. He just can't.