Can This Be True? { A Zalfie Fanfic }

Zoe

So I was pregnant, that was a bump in my life. I couldn't handle it. I could not handle it. I didn't want to have a kid, I wanted to live a life being a normal 23 year old woman. I did not want to have a kid. I wanted to tell Alfie that I wanted to put the child up for adoption but I don't think I could hurt him that way, I had always known how much he wanted to have a kid. 

Today was the day of my doctor's appointment and I got up a little bit late. I was feeling especially sick and was having cramps in my lower abdomen and back. I ignored them and went out to have breakfast with Alfie. he had made me hot chocolate and toast, which was quite sweet. 

I suddenly started to feel like complete crap though, I was having terrible cramps and I felt like I was going to puke. The smile slid off of my face and I didn't talk to Alfie. I couldn't think of anything to say and I was afraid that if I opened my mouth I would puke. I knew Alfie was worried about me, but I didn't want to say anything for fear of making him more worried. 

I suddenly stood up and made my way to the bedroom leaving my uneaten breakfast behind. I was going to hurl, I was going to be sick. I made it to the bathroom in time and started to cry. I didn't want to have a kid. 

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I left the bathroom in even more tears than I had entered it with. I started to sob. Nothing was going right, nothing at all. I never wanted to get pregnant I never wanted to have a child I just didn't. And now I wasn't, I wasn't having a kid. No, I was having a miscarriage. 

I wiped my eyes and tried to stop crying. I heard Alfie knock on the door and opened it immeadiately. I wasn't wearing a drop of makeup and was in a baggy tee and sweats but I didn't care. I didn't say anything to him, just silently slipped my hand into his. He would find out soon enough. We were going to the doctors. That's when I would tell him. 

Everything was so stressful for me. I had thought that once I was with Alfie and once we had told our viewers everything would be fine and dandy but oh how wrong I was. A deranged viewer had tried to kill me and my baby and I constantly got reminded of my physical state. Well, what used to be my physical state. 

I was being very quiet on the cab ride over and I saw Alfie glance at me a few times with a strange look in his eyes. I thought he would be worried because I wasn't talking at all, but he looked nervous. I was just scared that he was going to ask what was wrong and I didn't want to tell him. I was scared to, I was scared that he would hate me for not be able to carry our child. I was going to cry. 

"Alfie," I said slowly, I had to tell him, this was killing me. 

"No, Zoe, wait," he said slowly. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a small velvet box. The same small velvet box that had carried the rose gold ring he had given me. I gasped at seeing it. It normally sat on my bedside table where I could hold it whenever I wanted. 

"Zoe Sugg, will you marry me?" 

That was when I started to cry. I couldn't take it anymore. "Alfie, I c-can't," I stuttered out. I couldn't do this now. I didn't want this commotion. I didn't want the stress. I didn't even want to be here anymore. There were too many little, petty things to worry about that I couldn't care less about. 

I couldn't face it anymore. I couldn't take any of it anymore. None of it. I collapsed onto Alfie, crying. Sobbing, and silently cursing in my head. I loved Alfie so much, I loved him to much to marry him. I didn't want all of that wedding hassle, and I bet once I told him about what had happened he wouldn't even love me anymore. 

I loved him to much to lose him. I couldn't do this to him. I couldn't marry him only to leave. 

So this fanfic is getting depressing... I am so sorry guys I don't even know what has happened. I feel terrible about the way this went and I just want to apolagize. If you love it, that's great. I just don't really like it, and I don't feel like it is a great representation of who I am. I will upload another chapter tonight, so keep your eyes open. Sorry it took so long to update, school is out though so I can update way more often! I am sorry this has turned to complete shit, but it happens. xxx