Can This Be True? { A Zalfie Fanfic }

Zoe

I was still very confused as to where I wanted to live. My entire life I had always wanted to get away from the UK and live in America, but I didn't want to leave Alfie. I didn't want to leave Louise, Matt, Tanya, Jim, Darcy, Jack, Finn, Fleur. I couldn't leave all my friends just to stay with my father and my brother. 

But there wasn't really any reason for me to stay. Nothing was keeping me here. Everything was all too confusing for my liking. I guess me and Alfie had fallen asleep on the couch since I woke up with my head resting on his chest, a blanket tangled between us. 

I glanced at the clock in the kitchen and groaned when I saw that it was already noon. I started to feel depressed again. Everything that had gone wrong in the past few days was all my fault. I stood up and stretched, slowly letting my muscles adjust to standing. I then shook Alfie awake. "Alf," I said softly. 

"I'm awake," he said quietly, I could tell that he wasn't going to get up any time soon. I walked slowly into the kitchen, shivering as the cold floor touched my feet. I had a headache and I felt very congested. I wanted hot chocolate, but I knew that that wouldn't make me feel any better and what I really needed was a cup of tea. 

I hated tea, we kept some in the house for guests though. I knew that it would make my congestion a tad better though, so I started to heat up some water. Glancing outside, I saw that it was still raining. The weather in the UK was so depressing and gloomy. It was July for goodness sakes. 

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After about an hour Alfie had still not woken up. I had played a successful round of Candy Crush and tweeted to all my viewers that a new video would be going up tomorrow. About what I had no idea. I would figure something out though. There was probably some old footage of me and Louise on my laptop somewhere. I was too depressed to film. 

I was too depressed to do anything. It all came crushing down on me that I couldn't have children, ever. As a child all I had ever wanted was to be a mother and now I could never have children of my own. I started to cry, not the sobbing loud kind though, the silent tears that slid down your face quicky. The kind that rips at the edges of your heart making it raw. The kind that stings. 

I started to make Alfie some toast and hot chocolate. The same breakfast he had made for me the day before. I covered is toast in Nutella and placed the plate and mug on the table in front of the couch. I then made my way into our bedroom and grabbed a coat. I needed a break. 

I decided to go to Hyde Park. That day when me and Alfie had had a meetup there, that was the day when I realized how much I actually like him. That was all the way back in November, it made it feel like so much time had passed. Me and Alfie had been the bestest of friends back in November and December. 

We had hung out almost every single day. Because of this we had grown closer and well all of this had happened. I groaned again. A sudden burst of wind came by and I shivered. I pulled my jacket tighter to my body. At least it had stopped raining. 

I made it to the park and sat down at a bench looking out at all of the happy families. There were babies being pushed in prams, young lovers without any kids. Older couples with grandchildren. I reached up and wiped away my tears. I really had to stop with the crying. 

I was about to head home when I felt my phone go off in my pocket. I glanced at it and saw that I had three messages. One from Joe, one from Alfie, and one from Louise. 

A- 'Hey, where are you? Thanks for the food. x' 

I responded and told him that I was just going on a few errands and that I would be home in a few hours. 

J- 'Have you decided yet? Mum wants to know.'

I didn't respond to him, since I hadn't decided yet. I couldn't say good-bye to my dad and my brother, but I couldn't say good-bye to Alfie. Too many decisions. 

L- 'I'm in London! Want to meet up and chat?'

I smiled, glad that my friend was in the same city as me for once. Instead of texting her I dialed her number and called her. 

"Hey chummy!" I said cheerfully. Louise always seemed to make everything all right. 

We chatted for a few minutes and decided to meet up at our favourite Costa in London. I was so excited to see her. It seemed like it had been ages since we had actually spoken in person. I also needed to talk to her about what I should do concerning my possibly moving to America. I knew she wouldn't want to talk about it, but I had to figure it out now. 

xxx