Breathless-Kellic (BoyxBoy)

Chapter Four

Vic POV

It’s been four days since the first time Kellin came over. It’s now Saturday and I’m sure he’s going to come back again.

I’m pretty sure Mike’s friends from our old school are stopping by, too. Great.

While Mike’s having fun with his friends, I’ll be in my room, alone. But that’s alright. I’m used to it being like that.

I was just too worthless to be included.

I sobbed quietly to myself in my bathroom, dragging the blade across my wrist once more. I had already done it multiple times; I lost track after ten.

I watched the blood run off of my arm and drip down onto the floor, all the while trying to control my tears.

Ugly.

Too thin.

Not funny.

Annoying.

Worthless.

Selfish.

Weak.

Deserves to die.

I held my head in my hands, rocking back and forth while sobbing loudly. Why am I even here? Why do I exist? What was even the point of me being born?

I was on the verge of a mental breakdown, but it was about time. I was surprised I hadn’t landed myself in a mental institution yet, honestly.

I calmed myself a bit before standing up, looking at myself in the mirror.

My eyes were too dark, too dull. They weren’t bright or shocking or beautiful or noticeable or anything.

My hair was too dull and dead, and too curly. It was a boring color. Brown.

My skin was too dead, I guess you could say. It wasn’t glowing or healthy like everyone else’s.

The skin under my eyes was sunken in, and dark. Something that was normal since I almost never slept.

I sighed as my breathing hitched. I turned on the faucet and ran my wrist under it, hissing slightly at the feeling. I watched the water run red, then slowly turn pink until it was completely clear again. I cleaned the newly made cuts and bandaged them, then walked out into my room.

I looked through my closet and pulled on a long sleeve shirt. I climbed into bed and under the covers, grabbing my iPod and slipping in the headphones. I stared at the ceiling as I listened to whatever started playing, too tired to check.

I gave up.

I gave up on living. I didn’t want to be here anymore. I wanted to die. I wanted to..to just be gone. Never seen or heard from again.

But I knew I couldn’t do that to my family. I would have to wait a while.

I thought about when and how I would do it. Nothing would stop me from doing it, I knew. I was too selfish. Sure, my family may be able to delay it, but it wouldn’t last forever.

I knew that I would never go anywhere in life, I would never accomplish anything. But I would accomplish this.

I had lost track of time, immersed in my thoughts. But suddenly, the door opened to reveal four people; Mike, Kellin, Jaime, and Tony.

“Hey,” Mike said hesitantly. “We want to know if..”

“If what?” I asked in a monotone, sitting up and subconsciously pulling my sleeves down.