Mind of War (On Hold)

Onyx's Agenda

"Onyx wake up." A young, soft voice whispered.

"Aura, go to sleep," he turned around.

"But I'm not tired," she whined.

"If you don't sleep, you won't grow."

Aura gasped, "I think I'm tired, night night." The young child quickly ran from the room.

"Younger sisters," Onyx groaned to himself. He was awake now. Sitting up straight, he laid his head on the headboard. His mind wandered, and decided to settle on Song. "You really messed up. You hurt her after all that she's done for you." Said his wandering thoughts. These thoughts said the same thing night after night for months now. He didn't mean to say it like that. "I had to protect her. Song, I'm sorry." He said to himself. Ever since that day, things hadn't been the same between them.

Onyx had kept so much from her, he knew it had hurt. They had been so close. The life he lived was different from the life he shared with her. They had a close childhood until Song's mother passed, then things because different, Mr. Valor became untrusting of Shadowhunters like Onyx's family. He didn't allow Song to come over when his parents were home. It was his way of protecting the most precious part left of his life. He guarded Song from afar but was quite serious that Onyx's parents kept their distance from his daughter. In turn, Onyx's parent told him to be friends with Song, but told him that he was never to tell Song about things that go on in their home. He never really understood why or how a rift came between their parents, except the rumors that it had to do with the death of Song's mother. With Aura being twelve years younger than him, he never thought to tell Song about her, but reflecting back he wish that he did. His heart was filled with regret. Now he was alone, raising his seven year old sister Aura by himself. "I wish I had told her everything from the beginning," he whispered to himself. He never told her that he had a sister, that their parents were outlaw Shadowhunters, or that he was a member of a secret society in the tunnels. Once you've been keeping secrets for such a long time, when we want to spill the beans you have no clue on where to tear the bag. But, Free knows, and since Free joined their team, he knew that his days were numbered.

Onyx reflected on the day he put a wedge in his and Song's relationship. "Where have you been, no one has seen you in five days? I was worried." Song asked.

"I had something to address, Song." He replied.

"Well do you need some help?"

"No, it would be best if other people wouldn't interfere with my personal life." Onyx looked at Song as she took a step back as if he had stabbed her or something, "Look, Song it's not like I'm leaving the team. I just have to care for my sister right now!"

"Your sister?" Song looked at her feet, clearly upset. Onyx wondered about how she must have felt on the inside, because outside she was as calm as she could be.

"Her name is Aura, she's seven and it's just us right now, please just..." he trailed off.

"If that's how you want things to be," she whispered before walking away. He wanted to say something, anything, but as she walked away Onyx drew a blank. He watched her jet black waves of hair fade off into the distance. Onyx opened his mouth, but the words refused to tumble out. It never feels good to blindside someone who's always been in your corner.

The next day Song approached him with a small smile and asked, "How is she?" Kai had walked by a split second later talking to Free. Onyx was furious that Song would just loosely be talking about his personal life, reinforcing why he was reluctant about mentioning Aura. Now she's just the talking while other people are walking by! Next thing you know the whole community would know!

"Look, stop asking! Let me deal with my personal life!" Onyx stormed off. He didn't look at her face, if he had he would have broke, just like he had broken her. Song took family, friends, and honesty seriously. The break wasn't obvious like a shattered glass, but it was a break nonetheless.

After that, Song never asked him anything again. Deep down within his beating heart, he wanted to change that day and everyday afterwards. Now she looks at him, but refuses to see him. She looks at him as one would look at a stranger. If only she knew that he was hurting too. For a while, Onyx had the feeling that him and Song were beginning to be more than just friends. But he didn't want that. He had his secrets and the real Onyx lies within his secrets. The real Onyx is already committed to someone and something else. She gave her soul for his sake last year, losing her own battle to save him from his own. That ordeal took her though a lot. She would always have his respect and admiration, but she never once could she steal his heart. Why was life so complicated? Why couldn't he just be himself? Maybe life would be easier if become the Onyx that Team Liberate knows and really made a life for himself that he forged for himself, detached from destiny, but Onyx knew that he could not.

"Maybe if I had told her, things would have gone better," he told himself. Sadly, he would never know because he never gave honesty a chance. Onyx never meant for things to turn out that way, but they did. He was almost fearful of what was going to happen tomorrow night, when all of his secrets get revealed. Team Liberate are very intelligent, they will figure out that the person he is with them is just a mask. Song asked him to stay and liberate souls with a group of amateur Shadowhunters so as not to raise suspicion of the Second Dimension. When they come back his team may hate him. He would deserve that. Onyx wouldn't blame them because he hates the person he was forced to be. When you hate yourself, you can't ask others not to.

He sighed, "Why must things be so complicated?" He looked down at the tattoo on the side of his left middle finger, 0142.