Mind of War (On Hold)

To Trust Again

Early the next morning, Song was looking out of her bedroom window. Any other time she would have been downstairs reading or devising a plan, but instead she felt upset and it was draining her. Once again, she was left alone feeling as if no one trusted her. Last night she had went to the Tunnels, where the SSS reside, to see Creed since he had not come by to see her as agreed. When she arrived, not to her surprise, she was told by the Shadowhunters that he left to go the Gate. By this time in the early morning, he could already be dead.

Although Song wasn't surprised, she was caught a little off guard. Since Creed was usually a man of his word, she thought that he would have been a little more honest with her. Song was not too surprised because she knew how much the SSS meant to Creed. It was where he had spent most of his life. Everything he did was to advance the goals of the SSS. For him to walk away from them, was like asking him to stop breathing, she would never ask that. Also, he was used to operating like a one man team. He didn't really seem to understand that team implies a unit, people working together for a common goal. She could not really blame him because honestly Onyx operated like that as well at times. It must be a SSS thing where people think they can take on the world by themselves.

The Shadows has passed unusually quick last night. There was something quite strange about it all, but Song could not put her finger on it. She wished that she had someone she could turn to, to tell her innermost feelings. Pushing the negative thoughts away, Song put on her poker face. On the bright side, she had taken the time to finish reading the book A Night of Shadows, that she grabbed from the Capital. It had given her a few ideas about defeating the Shadows. A head full of ideas but no one to hear them. Song shook her head and reluctantly headed downstairs. As soon as she reached the bottom of the stairs, someone knocked on the door.

Song opened it, but when she saw who it was, she immediately slammed it closed.

"Song, come on," the voice behind the door pleaded, but Song was already walking away until she heard the door being kicked open.

"You know intrusion is a crime," she said.

"Then arrest me now."

"Get out, or I will have my father drag you out," she hissed.

"Song come on, please, just let me explain," he pleaded again.

"Why? So you can lie to me again? Or for me to be stupid enough to believe you?" Song turned to face him. Upon looking in his eyes, she shook her head and began to walk upstairs. Creed moved towards her and grabbed her arm quickly. "Let go!"

"It's not what you think. Song, I would never do anything to hurt you, I thought we already established that." Creed said gently pulling her towards him.

"Creed you LIED! You know, if you were going to leave anyway, I wish you would have been upfront about it. I tell you when I'm planning things whether you like it or not. Now let me go."

"Not until you hear me through." He turned her around to face him, "I didn't have a choice, Song! The SSS is something you're born or recruited into, you cannot just walk out. So, I decided to go and fail the mission. The SSS would think that I was dead and I would not have to go back. It gave me an option for me, for us, to have a life. Please believe me. I wasn't completely honest. I know and I'm sorry. I would never intend to hurt you because I love you. I just barely escaped with my life, but I couldn't stop thinking about you. If I had never met you, I probably would have just went and died. I've been living alone for a long time, I wouldn't have thought twice about the mission. You made me want to have a future, I still want that, so I did what I had to as to not throw it away," Creed explained as he gently pulled her into his chest.

Song did nothing because somewhere inside, she was still angry with him.

"I was scared that you didn't make it," Song whispered, eyes watering for the first time. She accepted his embrace and buried her face into his chest..

"I'm sorry, the reason I didn't tell you was because I didn't want you to worry about me... or to do something bold and get hurt," Creed ran his fingers through her black hair which smelt like vanilla. Song looked up at him with red eyes from crying. He brought his face close to hers, brushing his nose against hers before pulling away.

"So, I- um need somewhere to stay, I can't stay with Onyx because that's too many high profile people in the same house." Creed stated.

"Well, I don't think my dad would mind, as long as you sleep on the couch. We'll ask when he comes home," Song suggested.

"Thanks," Creed lightly rubbed Song's shoulders, "you know that I love you right?"

"You just told me," Song replied.

"I just want you to know it," he told her.

Song smiled at him, then asked, "So are your light brown eyes your real eyes?"

"Yes they are, but I really liked the gray contacts. My father had me to use the contacts when we moved into the Tunnels for just in case purposes. I kept them because they remind me of him." Creed explained. Song nodded, showing that she understood. Creed hesitated before asking, "Song do you really forgive me?"

"Yes..." Song hesitated.

"I just wanted to be sure, I know you can hold a grudge."

"You've made it clear that you had a reason, so I can't be too upset about it. I really forgive you," Song replied.

Just then, there was a knock at the door, since Creed was closest he opened it. Free and Bliss walked in. Free hugged Creed around the neck, "You're alive."

Bliss eyed him suspiciously upon seeing his light brown eyes. "So there seems to be a never ending web of secrets! What is it this time?"

"I had to disguise myself after leaving the SSS." Creed tried to explained.

Bliss waved him off and said, "I don't believe you, but anyways what's on the agenda Song?"

Song could feel the brewing tension in the air. "Bliss can you come upstairs really quick?"

"Sure," she replied. The pair went upstairs and into Song's room. Bliss sat on the bed, "I don't like him, there is something he's hiding."

"Well, he went to the Gate last night. It hurt my heart, but I'm past that now."

"Song, I know you like him and all, but you need a man you can trust with your life. And I don't know if that's him, especially if you have to guess at his honesty." Bliss said with concern beaming from her eyes.

"I can't judge him on decisions he has made with the SSS. It's the intention that matters, and honest or not, Creed has always had the best of intentions, just like Onyx. I know I can trust him with my life because he's a part of my life. His very presence gives me strength and hope. Creed has brought a new kind of light into my life and a warmth and care that I have never experienced before," Song explained.

"Alright, alright, I didn't ask for all of that, a declaration of warm and fuzzy feelings... so why am I here?" Bliss asked sighing, deciding to accept Song's decision.

"I finished reading the book, and I have an idea on how to defeat the Shadows. But, I don't know if I can do it." Song whispered.