Day 50
Dear diary,
Of course, I lazily woke up at a Saturday morning (mostly everyday) . I headed to the bathroom and took a prolonged bath to clear some thoughts in my mind. First is the thought of going back to school,then about Louis getting very clingy and weird,of course my depression, and about having a strange feeling for someone who is honestly not my type.
I went downstairs and saw the usual set up during Saturdays. Gemma on her laptop and Mom on her phone while cooking.
As usual, I sat on my chair and ate breakfast quietly, like they weren't there.
New Thought
Sometimes, I felt like I'm invisible. That even when you're physically there or not, everything doesn't seem to change.
This is one of the reasons why I'm depressed and it is truly depressing.
•••
I headed to my room and went outside my window and sat at the roof with a David Levithan novel in my hand. I concentrated reading the book as the air swiflty brushing on my hair.
This is how I spent most of days these last few months. Just sitting at the roof while reading a LGBT novels,sipping a cup of tea while looking around my neighborhood or just randomly sitting there to clear some thoughts.
A familiar voice shouted my name which made me to look down. It was Louis. He was waving at me.
I stood up and hurridly went downstairs to open the door. He has his one hand in his back as I revealed him. He stepped in and handed me a box of pizza. ( I thought it was a boquet of red roses but pizza will do) He gave my mom a hug as we passed the kitchen. (Such a boyfriend material!)
We headed upstairs directly to the roof. We sat there and it was a bit awkward because no one was talking.
Of course I can't contain my excitement so I was the first one to break the silence. I asked him about going the same school as his which litetally lit his face up. He said that he was very happy because he missed riding bus with me and having a little rendezvous after school or during our breaktimes.
I was actually smiling at him while he's talking. Damn those lips are so kissable like I wanna pull him in and kiss him.
Bad Thought
I kinda feel bad about faking this whole thing. That I don't really have an amensia. That I was lying the whole time. That I'm still the same person who is falling so fucking hard for him. Guilt was running through my mind. I should tell him this whole shit before anything else could ruin our relationship.
•••
So we ate pizza as we make fun of the kids playing outside. It actually reminds me of us when we were kids. I stare at him for a moment. Adoring all his features. I never expected that I'll end up here with him by my side. This moment was magical. It feels like I'm having a secret rendezvous with my prince charming.
As soon as were having so much fun, the sky gets darker and it started to rain. Both of us were soaking wet. So instead of going inside, we played at the cold rain droplets pouring upon us. We were dancing like shits on the roof.
You know the scene in the High School Musical 2? When Troy and Gabriella were having a picnic and the sprinkler suddenly opened and they danced around and after that they kissed. Well that scene is mostly happening right now. ( Is it too peculiar that a boy like me watched the whole High School Musical series? Well I don't think it's that bad because I have my sister here who frankly influenced me with her HSM madness and omg Zac Efron is such a hottie)
Well, after that very high school musical-ish scene. We went inside to let our clothes dry. We we're laughing the whole time and I don't know why. But then, I saw him staring at me. Our eyes were now connecting. It seems that there's some spark started to lit up in between us. The way he looked into my eyes, he's like trying to say something that I can't explain.
He moved a little which makes the space between became even more smaller. He was still looking at me like his eyes were stuck on mine. He pressed his hand on my cheek which gave me chills all over my body. He started to lean even more which leave us with no space in between. My heart was literally throbbing like in any minute now it will explode.
His lips were like an inch away from mine but then my sister suddenly opened the door which surprised her because hey-Louis'-going-to-kiss-me-but-then- you-suddenly-butted-in. I stood up and went to the door and told my sister to knock before she opens the door, she was teasing me that Louis and I might end up fucking but I told her that it's impossible because she butted in. I wanna make her feel guilty about this, for interupting my most awaited moment.
I shut the door behind and sat on the bed where I left Louis hanging. His face was blushing and he can't even look straight to me. I tapped his shoulders and he slowly looked at me.
He placed his hand on the top of mine, while he moved a little bit closer to me.
I stare at his crystal blue eyes then my eyes started to look down to his pink lips. I feel his hand crawling up to my cheek,then slowly brushing his fingertips on my locks. He pulled my hair which caused our lips to attach. His eyes were screwed shut and I can feel that he really wanted to do this ever since. I can feel his heart beating fast as I started to kiss him back. I placed my hand on his waist as the kiss became more intense. I knew that he loved me all along. But why did he ran away from me when I told him the truth? I need answers.
•••
He was trying to remove my shirt but it feels like this is wrong. Like yes, I've been wanting this to happend but it really felt wrong. I don't know what's running through my mind. I want to fuck the shit out of him but I really can't.
I slightly pushed him away from and the excitement in his face was now replaced with curiousity. He asked me if there's something wrong. So I told him that there is nothing wrong. I created an alibi and said that I feel tired.
He answered me with a sorry and I asked him why is he saying 'sorry' to me. He said that maybe I was shocked because he suddenly kissed me. But I said that it's alright, I even told him that he is such a good kisser. He said that I was too that's why he got too carried away by the taste of my lips.
It's getting a little bit awkward because I can saw Louis' boner. And I don't know if I should tell him that 'hey Louis you got a boner and maybe we should make it even more harder' or maybe ' hey Louis you got your dick arousing and I wonder why'.
Dirty thoughts suddenly appeared on my mind. I was imagining giving Louis a head. I was imagining us getting it on. I was imagining us while catching our breathe after having a nice sex.
Louis suddenly called my name which hit me back to reality. He looked like he's nervous or something. He was stuttering when he said "Uhm.Ha-Harry, I-I think you got a bo-boner there".And ofcourse I was not aware of that so I covered it with my hand and turned my back to Louis.Jeez, it is very awkward. I got a boner just because he also got a boner,damn.
I was blushing the whole time and the erection started to grow even more. Louis patted me and whispered "Maybe I should go now. Yo-you should fix that thing over there. See you on Monday" as he left the room with a smile on his face.
As he left my room, I can't stop grinning because damn his lips were so damn good that I forget my name.
But it's so fucking awkward because both of us were very turned on. It is a sign that he wants us to fuck but what did I do? Damn, these pleasure running through my body. I just couldn't watch another gay porn and jerked myself. I wanted it to be real. Maybe someday. Someday Louis, you'll moan my name.
All the love,H.x
