Day 52
Dear diary,
Today's Monday so it means that it is my first day in school.Ugh waking up early is really not my forte but guess I should do it just because of Louis. I'm actually nervous and excited at the same time because 1. I'll be able to have new friends (if someone's interested) 2. I might get bullied 3. Terror teachers 4. And the mean bitches at school.
So as I finished dressing up, I went downstairs and Louis was there chatting with my family.
I met Louis' eyes and he smiled at me. I smiled back at him too. A sheepishly smile though. Because I remember what happend last Saturday. It was really awkward.
They invited me to join them and so I did. I sat next to Louis and he gave me a huge grin which made his eyes crinkle. He's like a cute kitten aww.
It wasn't an awkward breakfast after all because my mom usually drops a topic and we all listen to her.
When Louis and I were on the bus, it was silent again. I mean everyone's noisy like there's a kiosk while the both of us at the back were the only one who's not making noise. I don't know if I should start a conversation or should I just remain silent for the whole trip.
Ofcourse, I didn't remain silent. I talked to him and asked him about his school and other stuffs. While talking to him, the thought of telling him about what happend last saturday was going on through my mind. Like in any minute now I'll be like "Hey, what happend last saturday was pretty intense. So can you come by at my house later and let's do the real thing" But ofcourse I controlled myself.
We arrived at school at maybe around 7:40. This university wasn't that new to me because this is where I saw Louis after the past few months.
So Louis took me for a short campus tour so I can familiarized the school.
When the bell started to rang, my heart started to beat fast. I'm totally an introvert and an anti-social guy that's why I'm nervous at introducing myself to others and to socialize with them. I don't know why but it's just so peculiar.
Louis said that we'd be staying on different floors because he's much ahead of me. He should be in college now but because of financial problems,he stopped for maybe a half school year and didn't attend much of his class in 12th grade,that's why he repeated the year.
My smile turned into frown and it turned into a nervous one. Louis dropped me at my classroom and left.
I entered the classroom, roaming my eyes around. They were staring at me and I feel so insecure about that.
So I sat at the back, waiting for someone to approach me if someone's interested.
A cute,blonde guy wearing glasses sat beside me and asked my name. (Wow that came quickly) So I state my name and he also did,his name is Niall Horan. He's an Irish and I love his accent. He's such a friendly and carefree guy. It feels like I've known him for so long.
He started to tell facts about himself and then soon I started to open up with him.
New Thought
Wow. I can now open up with somebody I just met. It seems like I'm improving now. And.. Maybe this guy is cute. Well Louis is much cuter soooo.
•••
The teacher came in, as me and Niall get along so well. He's pretty terrifying but when he spoke, his voice was very calm. School prob #3 erased.
Well not mostly because the other teachers might be strict and terror,so I shouldn't be that so sure about it.
My first class was Chemistry which I think I'm good at. Then followed by Geometry and Physics,the subjects I suck at. Basically, I'm a 11th Grader that's why these subjects became difficult than ever.
It was recess time, Niall invited me to join him and his friends. One of his friends is like a perfectly tanned Mexican, has a blonde highlight that emphasizes his cliff and he has a gorgeous eyes. And the other one was tall, has a very hippie style, he has the most beautiful chocolate brown eyes, and he's actually a bit muscular guy as I can see through his biceps.
We sat at the corner beside the entrance. Niall introduced me to those two guys, the one I thought that is Mexican was Zayn and the other one was Liam. And you know what, they're in a relationship.
I'm so jealous with them. I mean look at them, they're so cute together and they're so sweet. I can picture Louis and me in that situation. Like ugh! When will be our time? I've been dying to hear him that he'll love me. I mean the kiss?! Of course he wouldn't do that if he loves me. C'mon Louis, just say those three little words.
Niall snapped me back to reality, he asked me if there's something wrong with me and ofcourse I don't have a choice so I told him the truth, that I am a bisexual and I am jealous of his friends' relationship.
They were not that shocked because it was normal to them, and because his mates were bi's too. Niall even joked that he's afraid that he might be the only one who's staight. We all laughed and soon they let me share my story. I told them everything, about Louis and other stuffs.
Good Thought
I finally found the squad that I belong to. They're so understanding and fun to be with. I can finally share my whole story with someone else. I mean yes I have Eleanor but having a group of friends here in school is even more better.
•••
After our break, we headed back to our classroom. It's a bummer to think that I can't see Louis during our breaks because we have different schedule. And I can't even erase the presence of him in my mind all throughout the day. Or maybe every single day in my life.
After a few hours of a class that I'm not interested with, it's finally dissmisal time. We went to the football field a.k.a Niall's kingdom, (As he said so) and watch him and his team mates practice. He is the captain of the school's football team that's why it is his kingdom.
Liam and Zayn were holding hands. They were fucking holding hands and they are literally fucking relationship goals. Someday it'll be me and Louis.
They notice that I'm staring at them so Zayn ask me if I'm okay. I answered yes because I don't want to offend them. Of course, even though I'm jealous with them, I don't like to tell it right infront of their faces. They might think that I'm too desparate to have a relationship like theirs.
While watching the whole football team, Louis suddenly entered the field and talked to Niall.
Niall knew Louis all along and maybe that's why he is very familiar with Louis while I'm telling him about us.
Niall waved at me and so Louis. He ran towards me and gave me fist bomb as he sat beside me. He asked me about how was my first day here,how Niall,Liam and Zayn was, and everything school-related stuffs.
I started to tell him everything and he is really paying attention to all the things I'm telling him.
When Niall called him,he held my hand and squeezed it as he ran back to the field. Hmm. I knew it! I know there's something with the way he act around me. But ofcourse I don't want to assume because I might end up with depression again.
All the love,H.x
Again. Long time no update. :--(
Sorry again :--( But anyways since it's Louis Birthday today here's a new update :--) yey he's turning 4! such a cute kitten ;--) and I'm pretty sure H got him a pretty big surprise ;--) Enjoy reading! xx
