Day 49
Dear diary,
I headed to Marie today with my new car. I was absolutely excited to tell her the whole thing happend in the last few days. And I was expecting if she will finally stop giving me meds.
And so, she said that I improved that fast and she even told me that she might lower my dosage of the meds.
Well I told her that without Louis this wouldn't be possible. But she replied to me sarcasticaly, that she'd been dying to tell me that the cause of my depression is Louis and the solution for it is him too. How cliche right? But yes, she has a point.
As usual, to end our session, she handed me the recovery diary and gave me 3 assignments again.
1. The suicidal thoughts (which is frankly isn't now my thing hooray for that)
2. I should bond with Louis more often!
3. Always and always drink meds! (She really knows that if I get too hyped,I will not drink my meds. Aha!)
So after I stopped by at Marie's clinic, I went to Eleanor's coffee shop.
I started to tell her everything. About the cook off and about Louis. I genuinely think that it is the right time to tell her the truth. That I'm bisexual.
She was not that shocked because she always known that I am not straight because she noticed it with the way I move and talk because it's not that manly.
Good Thought
Coming out is very uneasy. You have to make sure that the people you'll about to tell your deepest secret will surely understand you. And lucky for me, Eleanor was the right person. And finally! I can share my thoughts and feelings with someone who doesn't judge me and just willing to listen to my story.
•••
We were getting along the whole time.
And when I was telling about Louis and I, she was like a fangirl freaking out. She said we are her 'One True Pairing' which very weird and cute at the same time.
And at that very moment, Louis messaged me that he will come over to my house tomorrow and he didn't even state the reason why.
You know, Louis started to make me feel weird. Because he's very eager to bond with me. I don't know if he's really that excited to be with me again or maybe he's showing motives. I don't know.. Maybe I'm just overthinking..
After having a cup of coffee and a fun conversation with El. Mom asked to drop by her office because she said that we were going to fix some stuffs and whatever.
•••
So I was actually shocked when my mom opened the door and told me that I'm going to school next week. Like what the hell? Are you really serious?
Bad Thought
What could've possibly happend if I went back to school? Of course, the bullies are going to attack me again and I will be the hottest topic in the school every single day. Going back to school is more like welcome back to hell,bitch.
As the discussion about this whole 'school thing' goes through, she told me that I was going the same school as Louis'! Could you believe that?! Just like the old times! More memories to create with Louis!! I thought it'll be a hell year for me, but damn it's definitely not.
All the love, H.x
