Becoming

4| tiger's eye

"even if i'm no longer really me, there's still a part that lives inside my heart that hopes to be"

-his theme, undertale (vocal cover by lizz)

"Roses are red, violets are blue, Felicity Williams loves giving head, and she loves abusing people too."

I clenched my fists, schooling my expression into one of indifference despite my rapidly increasing heart rate. I could recognise that handwriting anywhere, and even if I couldn't, there was only one person who dared to openly insult me.

But, unfortunately for her, I wouldn't cry. I had long since cried myself out, and the want to weep was replaced by numbness. I would feel my heart pounding in anticipation of how I had to react, I would feel my head become slightly heavy, but I wouldn't cry. I couldn't cry.

If Georgia wanted to break me, she would have to try harder than that.

Contrary to what people thought, I wasn't a slut. I was a virgin, partly because I hadn't had a proper lover in ages, but mostly because I wasn't particularly inclined towards the idea of sex. To me, sex was like a mediocre snack - I would partake in it if I felt like I should, but I didn't much care for it. It was just a method of procreation after all.

But as always, the stigma of 'slut' was associated with being popular. The fact that I was a tyrant only added to that. Apparently, as long as someone was hated, every single unfavourable description was assigned to them regardless of its truth.

"Looks like everyone has regressed ten years," I remarked coldly, although my gaze was trained on the back of the classroom. "Insults on the whiteboard - what's next? A whoopee cushion? Maybe I'll have to start dumbing down my speech, considering that everyone's suddenly reverted to toddlers overnight."

"Well, you're dumb as a rock anyway, so it wouldn't make much of a difference."

I stiffened slightly as laughter erupted through the classroom. Georgia's stunt had given them courage, but it wouldn't do to have my authority questioned. It was another reminder of how miserable I had been at the bottom, and another reminder that I had to use all means to stay at the top.

"Oh yeah?" I replied, voice saccharine sweet. "Would you like to repeat that to me in person, when you're not hiding behind others like a wuss?"

The class fell silent.

"That's what I thought," I smiled, satisfied. "Stupidity doesn't make you look better by the way, your face is too much of a terror." I sat down, pretending to be absorbed in my notes.

I could hear murmurs and hushed insults, barely disguised contempt of me. I wanted to cover my ears, but I couldn't for fear of being labelled as 'insane' or 'weak'. My morning was already bad enough, even without the insults, and it was pointless making it worse for myself.

"Right, class, we'll be working on a new topic today," Mrs. Bennett strode in, setting a stack of papers on the desk with an unceremonious thump. She raised an eyebrow at the words on the board, but didn't spare them a second glance before erasing them. "I have a few worksheets here that we'll do together as a class, in addition to the activities in your workbook."

There were a few groans, but no one said anything.

"Think of it this way - if we finish these together, you won't have homework to struggle over alone and you won't give me an aneurysm when I struggle to mark." Everyone laughed at that, although I was mentally screaming. I hated Math, and I hated the fact that I couldn't understand it no matter how hard I tried. Work in class was worse than homework, because I simply couldn't catch up that quickly and I didn't have Google to help. "Also, if you want to write on the board, please make sure to use a better marker. Orange makes my eyes want to bleed."