Becoming

7| bloodstone

"goddamn right, you should be scared of me. who's in control?"

-control, halsey

If there was one thing I had learnt, it was that people fed off gossip and uncertainty. Rumours that were at least semi-believable, once circulated by the right people, were quickly eaten up and spread around even more. It was foolish, laughable even, how easy people fell for the same trick over and over again.

"Chase, huh?" I murmured to myself, a wry grin spreading across my face unwittingly. "God, Asher's going to be pissed at him for weeks."

Chase Holten was Asher's right-hand man - kind, hardworking, and a hopeless romantic. No matter what he did, he did it to the best of his abilities even if his best wasn't much. The only reason why he had agreed to help us was because he was completely wrapped around Eugenia's finger, and thus, completely willing to do whatever she asked of him.

Love, while a bolster sometimes, was often our downfall.

"You mean he's going to be pissed at me," Eugenia groused, typing something into her phone. "I hate dragging Chase into these sorts of things. He's too nice to be spreading such dirty rumours."

"Whatever," I rolled my eyes, before smiling winningly at all four girls. "The point is, it's not even first period and I've heard at least five people talking about how Eris has herpes. And that's not even scratching the surface of what I've heard."

"Another job well done, then," Georgia laughed, leaning against her locker. "Her expression's going to be priceless."

"As we've always agreed on, new girls need to learn their place," Katrina shrugged, her eyes pitiless. "What's a little pain if it's for the greater good, yeah?"

We nodded in assent, and burst out laughing.

Perhaps it was sad that we only felt united in the aftermath of someone's destruction, but it was the only time I felt like there was a chance for us to be complete again.

Together, and not fragmented and fractured beyond repair.

"Ah, here comes the lamb to the slaughter," Irene remarked offhandedly. She looked mildly amused, but mostly disinterested and distant.

Eris walked towards us, an expression of incredulity and slight entertainment on her face. Despite what she must've heard, she carried herself with a quiet confidence that was enviable, and didn't seem extremely fazed.

It was commendable, actually.

"Honestly, this is a rather piss poor attempt to 'destroy' me, as you so put it," Eris stopped right before us, raising an eyebrow. "If this is how you get your rocks off, by making me gossip fodder, then you have a rather sad life, don't you think?"

"Oh, shut up," I sneered. "At least I don't have my head stuck so far up my arse I can see the sun."

"Aw, I'm so gutted by what you've said," Eris smiled patronisingly, although her gaze was distinctly icy. "Don't work yourself into a strop over me, yeah? I wouldn't want to get arrested on account of giving an old geezer a heart attack."

"As they say, wisdom does come with age," I said dryly. "If I do have a heart attack, I'm sure it'll be because I was straining too hard to find the logic in your words."

"Dementia does come with age too, I believe. You must've forgotten what a decent comeback is, you poor dear."

I scowled, and Eris grinned sarcastically back.

"Anyway, I have better things to do than waste my saliva on you. Cheers!" She flashed me a middle-fingered salute, and walked off.

"You got destroyed, Felicity," Katrina snickered. I rolled my eyes, slugging her.

There was a tight coil of uneasiness in my stomach, partly because everyone probably saw Eris's retaliation and partly because I would definitely face Asher's wrath.

Still, it was reassuring to see that the new girl could hold her own. At least, then, she had a chance of survival in the shark pit named high school.

===

I skipped lunch again, choosing instead to hide out under the bleachers. It wasn't the most comfortable of places, but it was quiet. I could probably get some work done, so that I had more time for myself later on.

It was a horribly practical idea for someone like me, someone who was meant to be vapid and airheaded and lacking any motivation besides that of degrading others.

But then again, I actually cared about my grades, like any normal sixteen-year-old.

"Who the hell cares what a cheek cell looks like?" I exclaimed in frustration, scribbling out another drawing. "For that matter, who the hell cares what the components of a cell are?"

Okay, maybe I wasn't the most patient of learners. But I tried. It was something that Daniella, Benedict, or hell, even my teachers failed to see. All they saw were my failures, the parts where I was lacking and couldn't make perfect.

They never saw that I tried, and I was so sick of having my efforts invalidated.

I was sick of feeling good-for-nothing, sick of feeling like I wouldn't be missed even if I tried hard to make myself worthy of recognition. It was a horrible feeling, that of being empty despite seeming to have everything.

My hands stilled over the keyboard, and I tried desperately to push back the wave of emotions that suddenly overcame me.

I had been doing so well for a while, I couldn't let the misery pull me back under again. That was what distractions were for, right? They distracted, and allowed me to feel something other than hollow emptiness and all-encompassing despair. It was like trying to stay afloat, but not knowing how to swim. Waving your hands around uselessly underwater, kicking in desperation to keep your head above - it was all an exercise in futility. You knew that you would go under again, and that it would be harder to get air with each time you went under.

I knew that it would be harder to get air with each time I went under. Yet, I couldn't do anything to get to shore, for the simple fact that I didn't know how.

I laughed bitterly, and went back to another pointless drawing of a cheek cell.

===

"You know, we should probably up our game a little," Katrina mused, eyes bright with unrestrained excitement. "Bring in the big guns. We didn't do all that research for nothing, you know."

"And what do you have in mind?" I asked.

"Well, there was that stuff about her family-"

"No," I replied immediately, surprised when Irene said it at the same time as I did. "We agreed never to use anything about their families against them. It's not right."

Katrina snorted.

"Who cares about right or wrong?" She countered. "It was wrong from the very start when we began using things against others and demeaning them. There is no right or wrong, Felicity, it's just you being pretentious and hypocritical."

"Maybe," I picked at my nails, despite the fact that they were already jagged and with torn skin. "But, well, at least I still have some morals."

"And that, is what I call truly hypocritical."

We all turned at the sound of the new voice, although I did so with dread. I recognised who it was, and I recognised that what came with said person would not be pretty.

Asher stood in the doorway, looking for all purposes casual if not for the venom in his words and the steel in his eyes. Upon seeing me, he broke out into a vicious grin.

"What would you know about morals, Felicity Williams?"