Liars #FreeYourBody

Eleven

After this, I ran up to the bathroom. It was after all the crappiest day of my life. I felt like my life flashed before my eyes.

I'm in a race that doesn't end. It doesn't end because I'm being chased by my own fears; Everyone in my life. Every tragedy.

But most of all, I'm trying to catch up to the one thing that's tearing me down slowly. My worst fear.

Myself.

_________

"Montana?" Mom came knocking on the door of the bathroom where I was crying, looking at my reflection in the mirror.

"Go away!" I shouted at my mother. "Montana, open this door this instant!" Mom's eyes were clearly dried, but I heard between the walls of her voice she was worried. "No." I stated clearly.

I stared at my reflection, but everything was getting blurry as I realized the crying was harder then it'd ever been.

"I hate my life." I stated.

"Honey, you know that's not true!" Mom shouted over my cries.

"Oh but it is."

"Mo, you are the best daughter anyone could ever ask for!"

"Then why do I need to try hard to be better? To be perfect? Why did Dad leave us? Why do I need to try hard to be skinny? Why can't I be naturally gorgeous? Why do you all tell me I'm fine? I'm not fine. Why do you tell me I'm perfect? I'm not! You're all LIARS!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

I didn't know what to feel. I didn't know what to do.

I wanted my life to be over.

Or was I already dead?

"Mom, you don't know how much I want to end my life... But Mom? I'm scared!" I cried as I walked over to the cabinet.

I found Kyle's broken razor that I accidentally ruined when I was a curious little girl.

I tried using it, but I broke a shard and the blade fell, leading me to the ER where I had to get stitches. I still have the scar.

But that wasn't important.

What was important was that I hid it from my brother, and the blade was still in the third cabinet, where my brother never goes.

That blade.

It was gonna end my life.

But I was a scared little girl.

So I cut my arm.

I carved LIARS into my flesh.

I passed out.