Liars #FreeYourBody

One

Montana's POV

Breathe in. Breathe... More. More, more MORE. Harder! More! Again! No.

I let the lone tear slip down my cheek as I finally exhaled. I couldn't. I could not. No matter how hard I tried, I'd never be the way I want to be. They all tell me I'm gorgeous. Pretty. Smart. Kind. Talented. No, I'm not. They're a bunch of liars.

I look at myself in the mirror, disgusted. My heart is racing from not breathing all this time. On the wall of my bathroom, I slid down, crying. I started to ball of pain in my lungs and my heart. "It will never be enough!" My conscience told me. I hit my pounding heart as my vision got blurry.

Then, I heard a sudden knock on the door, "Montana? You in there?" Mom called. I sniffled, "Ya, Mom." I got up, and wiped the tears begging to fall down my face. "You okay, hon?" Mom sounded worried, trying to unlock my bathroom door. "I'm fine." I lied.

I heard my mother slowly drag her feet away from the door. I knew she did this. She always did. It had been three months I'd been doing this 2 times a day. I'm depressed. I'm lonely. I'm definitely not pretty enough.

I slid a comb through my knotted hair and brushed it into a braid. My clothes were a little wet from the bursting tears, but I knew my "friends" wouldn't even notice.

Here's my problem: I'm not perfect. No matter how many times they tell me I am, I'm not. They must not understand. I want to be gorgeous. But I'm not. Is it peer pressure? No. I'm a cheerleader, and the most popular amongst them all. But it's never enough. I'm not skinny enough. I suck it up. My stomach isn't flat. Even if you can see all of my bones... I'm not skinny enough.

I try. I really do, and I have been trying ever since three months ago.

I walked out of my bathroom in my yellow sundress and white heels. My flower headband matched my dress, and my braid stood out. Still not enough. I tripped over my foot for a minute, before walking down the stairs slightly confident.

Mom was down stairs, handling some papers with tears taunting her eyes. "Hey Mom. What's wrong?" I asked, as I grabbed my backpack. When she saw me, she jerked from her position and flipped the paper in a way I couldn't see it. "Nothing..." Mom smacked her lips and smiled.

I lifted a slight smile back, but it quickly faded, "Where's Kyle?" I asked. "Your brother went out with some friends. I was going to tell you, but you were too busy to notice." Mom smirked. "This early in the morning?" I scratched my head, ignoring the last part of her statement. I got no response from Mom.

Then, my dad turned in from the hall, with toast and beer in his hand. I scrunched my brows, seeing it was extremely early in the morning to already be drinking. He nodded at me, acknowledging my presence, and then left. A wonder crossed my mind: Why hadn't he seen Mom? I let the thought leave, and walked down the hallway to meet Dad again.

I grabbed toast from the toaster and prepared myself a glass of milk and eggs. "Hi, Dad." I smiled. "Hey, pumpkin." He smiled back, and took a sip from his beer. "Isn't it a little early to be drinking?" I asked. He waved his hand side-to-side, "Maybe." He replied.

"Well, I'll be leaving for school, then." I gave him a hug and gave Mom one too. Mom hasn't said hi to Dad either. Something seemed wrong, I just couldn't just conclude anything, so I left without speaking again.

I realized I'd left my breakfast, but I soon just shook it off, not acknowledging my empty stomach. It would be better this way. I would get skinnier.

It's not like I starve myself. I eat dinner with my family, but little portions. I have little snacks here and there.

I got in my little blue Bug.

*******

I met with my friend and boyfriend, Hailey and Mike, and they followed me as I tried to walk through the halls silently. Hailey is my only good cheer friend, seeing she hangs with me and doesn't act like a clueless bastard.

"Hey Hail," I hugged her. I could feel my bone hit her stomach, and I quickly jerked from my position. "What have you been eating, Mo? Razor blades?" She cracked a laugh and I giggled. Fake. Stop laughing. It's fake, and not funny. I licked my teeth and stared at Mike.

"You wanna ditch today?" Mike wiggled his eyebrows. My smile faded. "Nah. I have- cheer..." The hesitant pause in my statement made Mike stare. "Okay then... I'm going with your brother, Kyle." He waved and pecked my cheek.

"Okay." I had seemed to forget that Mike was a year ahead of me, and friends with Kyle, my brother. Mike ran off and disappeared into the hall. I sighed. "Why the sigh, Mo?" Hail asked. "Oh, it's nothing." I shrugged. Hailey nodded, seeming to believe the total lie I had just told.

I somehow convince myself that everyone in high school lies to me, telling me I'm the absolute perfect person in the world, but I just can't seem to notice that me, myself are lying to them. And it breaks me. Slowly, but surely. Am I a liar, too?