Asylum

Chapter 15

The Sadness, the unbelievable agony that is taking over my body at this very moment. It washes over me like the tides on the shore, pulling me in to an ocean of fear. The many wishes I have to have Jack love me and to finally be free from these ratchet chains society has put on me.

Our dead society, the logic is something was alive before it was dead only our society has always been dead, it was never alive. You are judge on being different and since Jack is somehow different he is locked away in this asylum. They put normal people in this asylum, and make them slowly go insane like it is doing to me right now.

I guess I hid my differences very well because I was a very different child. First off I like boys, and I knew that was not accepted so I took that "rainbow" part of me locked it up in a safe, put chains around it, and hid in a corner of my subconscious. Second, I thought of myself as insane because after I was battered by the monsters in the real world, I get batter by the monster in the "mental world" or my head. That is what sucks about society.

If you are ugly, fat, retarded, gay, or different in any sort of way you are put in here to rot forever. This is not a regular asylum, they are here to drive to insane instead of helping back to where you were. Jack's sanity oddly did not break, but parts of his memory has been erased. The truth behind the lies of this asylum, I found it out and it will be exposed. I do not care if I have to scream it in the highest mountains or the tallest buildings. It will be exposed and I have all the proof I need.

Jack.

I just need him to remember, me, the secrets, and a way out of here. The poor unfortunate souls that enter this building at first, and the ones that have been rotting here for decades. I need to find a way to expose this without them coming after me or him. My love, my angel, the reason I breath the murky oxygen that our dead society breaths.

I feel my body weaken as I start to think that Jack will never remember me. The dark cloud that hangs over me of him not remembering me. I need him to know me or I will go insane. Whoever did this to him, I will take a chainsaw and cut off their head. Starting with that monster, going on with the rest of the staff including that nun Madison, and ending Sister Catherine or Satan. She will pay for everything, you mark my words.

Mark them on her grave stone because those are the last words she will ever hear out of those ear that will soon be chopped off. This asylum, is eating my sanity alive. I feel as if my every bones are being crushed metaphorical teeth. Being eaten alive by society and this asylum. They are like having Thanksgiving with everyone else's sanities. Slowly being cracked and grinned up into dust.

Dust to Dust.

All I can think about is the song Ring Around The Rosy. Ring around The rosy, pocket full of Posey, ashes ashes we all fall down. It is playing over and over in my head it plays it slower and slower hearing the lyric ring in my ears. Ring around the Rosie, pocket full of Posey, ashes ashes we all fall down.

Ashes to Ashes.

Thinking how many people are being burned in hell. Becoming ashes of their formal self. What their imperfections were, what they use to look like, what their old self was. Only all is left of them is the ashes. The burnt chips of something that use be whole. That is what I am, ashes, but I was never whole. I was only the burnt chips, a disappointment for a human being.

I am not human. I am look like one. I talk like one. I feel like one. You can even taste me, or sniff me and you would say I am a human being, only I am not. A human being is a fearless, confident, and determined creature that is at the top of the food chain and rules the animal kingdom. I am scared, I am a coward, and I am not determined. I could be a mouse or something that is weak because I am not human.

Dear Jack, my lovely,

I need you, to keep me sane, and alive. Without you, my sanity will crack and I would be dead. I love you with all of my heart, soul, mind, and everything I have.

You are the reason I keep going, I would take the easy way out, but you are the reason I keep breathing. I may be not worth your time, but at least you know.

That is all I want you to do is know that I love you so much that time can not stop my love for you. It is not going to stop growing, it will grow larger than time and space combine.

I will give you all the love you deserve. The hugs, the cuddles, and indeed lots of kisses. I will give you love every single day for the rest of your life and even beyond life. I will show more affection than a puppy would show you.  You have so much love spewed on you that you will know that I love you.

You mean the universe to me, not just the world, but the whole universe. You are so special and absolutely adorable. No wonder they locked you up so they can have all that beauty to themselves. Only I want it all to myself because I want you to be in my arms all day everyday.

I love you, I love you, I love you to my stars and back even if the world counts as insane, but to me you are different and different is amazing because we can be different together.

Love,

Mr. Jack Gilinsky

Jack Johnson, the reason I am still sane.