Is This The Real Life?

Dysphoria

Haiii friendssssss

I don't know if I've really mentioned dysphoria in here before, but I'm struggling with it now so I'm going to talk about it.

So, gender dysphoria. It's feeling the clashing between gender and sex. For anyone else who is struggling with their bodies because their biological sex doesn't match their gender, I am here for you. It will get better, and someday you will be able to transition to where your body is exactly what you want to match how you feel. Actually, to anyone who struggles with their body image, you're going to be okay. Things will get better, so stay strong until they do.

In my personal experience, dysphoria with my body has hurt me a lot. I remember back when I was just about 3 years old and in diapers, just learning to talk(I have an annoying eidetic memory),and wondering why I couldn't have a dick like my brother did. When I was growing up I wasn't very feminine. At school I was always just one of the boys. Then puberty happened. If you're uncomfortable talking about biologically female puberty or male body parts, you may wish to skip the rest of this paragraph, it's just me talking about how I've been affected by having the wrong body. My friends talked about sex(eww, I'm asexual)and were so casual in talking about their dicks. I started getting boobs. I hated it. It was a huge struggle. My mom would be telling me several times daily that I needed to wear a bra because I was growing boobs, but I refused because I was thinking I'm not a girl, so that means I'm not developing breast tissue so I don't need a bra, or something like that, totally in denial of having a female body. My hips got wider and I hated it. Then...I got my period. My mom knew and tried to talk to me about it but I kept denying that I had started my period because I should not have. It was hell. At school people pointed and stared and whispered and they assumed I was a lesbian because of my masculinity. Today I'm reminded of having the wrong body. I have big boobs and I just kinda stared down like why are you here, please leave. And then my dysphoria over my area below got worse because I just want a goddamn penis down there and I tried to just set a book on my lap to stop myself from seeing the space where a dick should be and it made things worse. I don't know how to distract myself from that. I can't pack or bind in my pajamas and my family is around. Dysphoria has really sucked for me, and still does because I have the wrong body.

My heart goes to everyone else who dislikes their body.

If anyone has advice on how to deal with dysphoria or discomfort in one's body, needs someone to talk to, has questions, or just anything in general, comment or message me.

I love y'all,
Carter
<3 ;