The Asexuality And Aromantic Spectrum And My Experiences

Asexual/Aromantic

Quick Disclaimer: I wrote most of this book before coming out as non-binary! I may use my birthname and female pronouns, but those do not currently honor me. Hi! My name is Lane, and I use they/them pronouns. Hope you enjoy!

Let's tackle the big one first, shall we? Knowing the basics will help you understand everything else later on.

Asexuality is when someone experiences no sexual attraction whatsoever. Zip. Zilch. Zero. Nada. Under no circumstances does this person, more commonly referred to as ace, experience any instinctual desire for a sexual encounter. This is NOT the same thing as celibacy, which is the CHOICE not to have sex. Asexuality is not a decision made, it is simply the lack of sexual attraction.

Some asexuals are sex repulsed, which is when they are, well, repulsed by sex and sexual images. They are not willing to have sex or anything of the nature. If you meet a sex repulsed asexual, make sure you ask what they are comfortable with, ESPECIALLY if you are dating them.

However, not all aces are sex repulsed. Some are flexible/indifferent, and are willing to have a sexual interaction with another person, but might not really care themselves.

Now, this does not mean that asexuals do not enjoy a sexual encounter. It simply means that it is not one of their base desires. People also confuse asexual for aromantic, but many asexuals experience romantic attraction, and that's normal! Love without sex is possible, it just may be difficult in today's society.

All asexuals are COMPLETELY valid. Asexuality might be caused by something (as sexuality in general is fluid and can change) like trauma or just simply a bad encounter.

Now for aromantics! Aromantics are people who desire no romantic relationship. You'll find as we go along that a lot of the same principles from asexuality apply to aromanticism. For example, aromantics experience ABSOLUTELY no romantic attraction. Zip, zilch, zero, nada. This does not happen under any circumstances.

Like I said, there are a lot of similarities between the ace and aro spectrums, so I'll be brief but thorough during this.

Some aromantics are romance repulsed. Similar to sex repulsed, these aromantics want nothing to do with romance. This probably even more difficult than avoiding sexual images, as romance is everywhere in the media, so be aware when you meet an aromantic person to make sure you don't make them uncomfortable.

But there are other ways to feel about romance as an aromantic. One could be romance indifferent or flexible, with the same principles as being sex indifferent and flexible, but for a romantic relationship. This will also be brought up a bit when we get into other romantic orientations.

People are aromantic for different reasons. Someone could be born aromantic, or someone just had a really sucky relationship at one point. All aromantics are valid, no matter what.

These are the essential definitions you will need throughout this book, so if you are confused, ask questions! If you don't get this, it will get more difficult to understand later on.

NOTE: This is something I forgot to include before, and it is pretty important to at least accept. Aromantics CAN experience sexual attraction, if they aren't asexual. and have sex, but there won't be any romantic attachment to it. Just as there can be love without sex, there is also sex without love. Now, some may choose not to act upon it, and some might, just depending on the person. This does not invalidate their identity as aromantic.