Quick Disclaimer: I wrote most of this book before coming out as non-binary! I may use my birthname and female pronouns, but those do not currently honor me. Hi! My name is Lane, and I use they/them pronouns. Hope you enjoy!
So as you may know, I put up a chapter the other day asking whether you wanted to hear my thoughts on what being asexual means for a person's sex drive, specifically in regards to interactions with other people and masturbation. For anyone uncomfortable with discussing these topics, feel free to skip over this chapter, but I feel like a lot of the things in this would have helped me in coming to terms with my asexuality.
I define sexual attraction as wanting or desiring to have a sexual interaction with a specific person. Sexual arousal is the physical feeling of sexual pleasure. These two can be connected or separate occurrences, but they are very different systems. Attraction is mental, and arousal is physical.
I have only felt any kind of sexual attraction for one person. Before that, I considered the idea of sex of any kind as gross and uncomfortable. I never thought I would want to experience that until I did.
However, part of the reason it took me a while to figure out I was acespec was because I have experienced sexual arousal for quite some time. I remember I was on YouTube when I saw a video of two girls kissing on a beach rather passionately, and I clicked on it out of curiosity. Curiosity continued and I saw other similar videos, and also realized that hey, something was happening down there. Eventually, I also figured out that hey, it feels good when I touch down there and I feel like that.
Time passed, and when I discovered asexuality I was like "!!!! This could be me!" But after that, I felt like I wasn't "ace enough" because I felt sexual arousal. I must have been attracted to something if I had felt like that. I felt a lot of shame for a while when I told people I was ace.
HOWEVER, to finally get to my point: Asexual people can and do feel sexual arousal and have a sex drive (but not all), while also not feeling sexual attraction. You can like the way something feels without wanting another person to do it to you. Asexual people can and do have kinks and fantasies that cause their sexual arousal, and even if someone else brings up a kink that makes them aroused, they are still as ace as anyone else. Asexuality does not shut down a person's sex drive, it merely means they do not feel attraction towards other people.
Thank you so much for reading! I hope some of you found it helpful or at least educational. If you have any questions you'd like to discuss personally, please PM me :)
Much love,
Kay <3
YOU ARE READING
The Asexuality And Aromantic Spectrum And My Experiences
Non-FictionThis is for the people who are really freaking confused about the asexuality and aromantic spectrum. I will go over the many, MANY orientations under the ace/aro umbrella in detail, and don't hesitate to ask questions! (Also, the cover is the asexua...
