"Mind Games.."

Chapter 7: "Desperately Searching.."

Letter from Keri, to Derek, /10/27/2011.

"Oh Derek.. Why did you jump..? I could've helped you through this! Could've helped you fight it back! I never thought you'd do that.. What about your mom? Your baby sister? I know you didn't mean to hurt anyone, and you're definetly not to blame, but why didn't you think about the outcomes? You knew that you could depend on me.. On all of us.. Oh Derek.. I was here for you then, and I'm still here for you.. Even though you're "gone" I know you're still with us... And don't worry, I'll help your mom with anything she needs... With help around the house, with your sister, pretty much anything, you can count on me to help her... Wow, I really miss you.. Remember all the awesome times we had together? Well, I will always cherish those moments... I will always treasure the moments we spent together... And I will never stop loving you.. Promise... "

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After I regained my strength, I found my phone stabbing my hip. I took it out and dialed 911, along with my mom's number, his mom's number, and basically, all of our close friends.. but for the 911 call, they asked for my name and I practically told them that it wasn't important and that they should be worrying about a teen in the river instead! Then I hung up cold..

Next thing I know, the police, firemen, and a countless amount of ambulances showed up.. My mom came a bit after and tried getting me to leave.. "I think we should go before, you know, they find him..." was what she told me.. but I would've felt that I wouldn't be able to live turning my back from him and giving up.. So I told her, "I'm staying, even if it takes ALL night! I'm waiting for him!" So she drove home, without me..

So they all asked me a bunch of questions like,

"Where were you when he jumped?"

"Where was he standing?"

"Did he jump or fall?"

"Feet or head first?"

"Was there a big splash?"

"Did you see his body floating afterwards?"

You know (or maybe not, hopefully not..), things like that.. Instead of waiting for them to find him, I decided to try to find him myself..

So I thought to myself for a few moments..

'Okay, so I was here, he was here..' I touched where his shoes were before he, you know.. My body shivered, causing me to look like I was getting my soul stolen from me..

I went on the trail and made a left onto the gravel. I was next to the water now, and I was searching for hours...

At about 12:08am, my mom showed up with a few blankets for me and she also brought my journal.. She knows that when I feel upset, it's better for me to write down why, rather than keeping it on replay in my mind..

"Anything?"

"(*sigh*) No..."

She had no other words to say, this was not the thing to switch the subject on.. I mean, seriously? Do we ever really forget the dead?

I wasn't going to give up and I was already in the water, AT 2:58am, searching and diving in for him.. Until an officer called out for me to get out. So I did and saw about five people carrying an object up the trail. I hurried to them and saw him... at least, I thought it was Derek.. I can't be sure.. It could've been garbage or something.. I'm not sure because they said it was nothing, but when I tried to see, they pushed me back and hid the thing away from me.. Away from my mom, too. And when my mom said to show us, they told her that it really was nothing important.. Then they asked us to leave and that they'd notify us when they find anything.

So my mom told me to hurry to the car, and of course, I refused to.. Then a policeman came to me and said, "Well miss, you don't have a choice. Now, we will notify you if anything, but if you refuse to cooperate, then that won't be an option anymore. So,what will it be?"

So, just like that, we left.. But my heart stayed behind... Waiting for Derek, Like the rest of me should be..