My mom told me she asked God "Was I put on this earth just to suffer?"
And I responded with "Sometimes I wonder the same."
Because plenty of times it feels like he has forsaken me
Or he has forsaken all of us for that matter
I know I'm not as kind as my mom
But my hearts still big
I'm not Holy Ghost filled, but I still try as hard as I can
But if someone like her can suffer so, I don't feel like there's any hope in me receiving any better
Yet I'm hoping I'll be rewarded for all of my efforts
I wake up early in the morning, thinking of new songs or new poems
Because inside of me, there are so many unspoken words
God, when I speak to you it's like you're not listening to my voice
I haven't completely lost my faith in you but I just wanna know
I wanna know why you're taking so long to give me a sign
Tell me where I'm supposed to go
Tell me how I'm supposed to grow
Am I on the right path on this open road?
I don't wanna be angry with you but I always am
And I don't wanna blame you for all the things I cry about but it's difficult to hold it back
"Was I put on this earth just to suffer?" like so many other people do
And why did you take my father out of all the people you could choose
I'm confused
And I really need answers
I need healing because I'm badly damaged
I know I'm not the only one with problems but I have enough of them
I wish they would go away
I wish I could just run from them
Life ain't easy
My professor told us "Life sucks."
and I said she was right because I never had much luck
And when I left class that day depression hit me so hard
It wasn't easy to talk me out of suicide
Because I had to face my problems at home once again
After another day in college of just trying to pretend that I'm not lost and full of hopelessness
I'm carrying everyone else on my back
Present generations and future generations
Because not too many people in my family can say that they made it
So I got too much to prove
And I don't even trust myself
If I don't trust me, you know it's hard for me to trust anybody else
God, I just wanna know if I can trust you like you said I can
Because I don't know where you are these days and you got me looking for you
They tell me you're here
You're everywhere around
But like I mentioned earlier "Give me a sign".
At this point I don't even like going to church
At this point I don't like hearing a gospel song
They speak about blessings and miracles and it angers me deeply
Because "Good things don't happen to us" like I told my mom while she was daydreaming
I guess she was in deep thought like I often am
Longing for a life she never lived
Man, It's sad to be alive but to only exist
And it's an awful existence when there is no happiness
"Was I put on this earth just to suffer?"
God, I really wonder
Just give me a sign
And give one to my mother
