At 12am I'm up thinking about adulthood. How I'm almost there, and the very thought of it makes me scared. I'm afraid of messing up. Afraid things won't end up the way they should. Afraid I'll be lost, alone, and misunderstood. My fear must be what death feels like. The only thing I have are the positive words people speak to me. The positive words that I never believe over my own negativity. I won't give up but it's hard to believe there's a light at the end of the tunnel when that tunnel seems to be made out of all my constant struggles. And I never feel like I'm enough. Like I don't have what it takes to make it in this world. But either way I have to try. I have to obtain a better life because the life I've known has never been too good. I know what it's like to go without electricity and food. Adulthood is calling my name. Soon to be out of school and soon to be 18. I want my kids to have better than I did as a child. I wanna buy my mom a car and a house. I wanna do everything that God allows. Just give me strength. That's what I ask of him. Save me from the thoughts of a pessimist.
