Grey

27.

I wake up, feeling well rested. Odd, I don't think I remember the last time I slept well. But today was a big one. My mother had answers for me. I just had to get past the fact that I was so angry. Just for one day. I could do that...hopefully.

I turn the shower water to cold and let the pellets beat down on me. I tended to run a little warm, so a cold shower felt good every once in a while. Besides, it made me feel more awake. Even though for the first time in a long time I felt alert. Which still struck me as weird. But I shrug it off. I wasn't going to question a good night sleep.

I get dressed and walk out to the library to see Sam and Dean, talking to Cas.

"You guys sure like flannel uh?" I say noticing all three of us wearing it. Mine was from when they bought me those clothes, in which they mainly picked out. The whole pile mainly consisted of flannel. Dean chuckles sarcastically.

"Maybe we should start a club."

"There's some food in the kitchen. You should eat before we leave." Sam says ignoring the witty exchange.

"Yeah, okay." I sigh, walking into the kitchen. I tried taking a few deep breaths. Calm and balance is what I needed today.

"Breakfast I hear is the most important meal of the day." Castiel suddenly says, flashing behind me.

I jump, as usually. Why does he do that?

"Well look who's catching on....what are you doing here?"

"I came to tell them where your mother is staying."

"Do you think she knows what I am?" I ask slowly.

"She is your mother."

"That doesn't mean anything." I mumble, irritated.

"She really makes you angry, doesn't she?"

I sigh, rubbing my face.

"Guess so. I wish it wasn't like that. I wish..." I trail off, feeling almost guilty for my thoughts.

"What?" Castiel asks, curious now.

"I wish she didn't come back. I wish I still had good thoughts and memories about her. I had this idea of how she was in my head and now that she's back...all I can think about is how she left me."

"I think, I understand that." He says carefully.

"What do you mean?" I couldn't think how he could possibly understand.

"I just learned that maybe my father has abandoned us." He says painfully.

"Your father...you mean God?"

He nods, trying not to show emotion. I chuckle dryly.

"What?" He asks confused.

"Well I could have told you that."

Castiel looks like he wants to protest, but I don't think he could find it in himself.

"Hey Cas, you have to promise me something, okay?" I say, thinking back to my mother.

He looks up at me, waiting.

"If my mom doesn't actually know anything. I need you to go back into my head."

"But Dean said-"

"I don't care what Dean said. I'm asking you, if she doesn't give me answers, I need you to do this for me. Please?"

He looks at me for a minute, debating. Eventually he nods though.

"If she doesn't know, I will."