Life in Color (Lesbian)

I Know Those Eyes

I Know Those Eyes

                Green eyes…

                That’s all I could see…

                That’s all I wanted to see…

                Those green eyes…

                The beeping of my alarm yanked me from those eyes, those eyes that invaded my every night and even my days now. I couldn’t remember anything else from those dreams, nothing but those piercing eyes. But there had to be more than that, I wouldn’t feel the way I do when I wake up if it was just those eyes. I stayed awake for hours sometimes, my hands clasped behind my head as I begged for some higher being to let me keep the dream, just this once.

                If there is a higher power, it never listened.

                It never gave me the face of the person those green eyes belonged to.

                It never gave me the face of the one who left my heart fluttering when morning came.

                But it was just a dream. That person…they weren’t real. She wasn’t real. It had to be a woman, a man wouldn’t have been able to do this to me. But she wasn’t real.

                And so I stretched my arms high above my head while I got up and turned off my alarm. I sat on the edge of the bed for a few minutes before I stood up and got my clothes. A pair of dark green cargo shorts, a plain white t-shirt, a pair of light gray socks with Jack Skellington from A Nightmare Before Christmas on them, a bra, and a pair of blue boxers. I was stripping off my white tank top while I walked into the bathroom. I turned on the water and let my red plaid boxers hit the floor before I stepped into the warm water.

                Afterwards, I grabbed a towel off the rack and dried my hair off, leaving it sticking up all over the place, and then I continued to dry the rest of myself off while I walked over to the sink. I wrapped the towel around my waist and picked up my toothbrush. I squeezed some minty toothpaste on it and stuck it in my mouth. I looked up at the mirror and Ashlyn O’Daire stared back. Dark blue eyes and black hair with a deep blue tint and pale skin. I spit into the sink and washed down the mix of spit and toothpaste. I sighed as I reached up and opened the mirror to the medicine cabinet and pulled out my small container of Axe hair gel. After twisting off the top, I dipped two fingers into the gel and forced my hair up into my usual faux hawk and then pulled on my clothes.

                The shorts were loose, but not overly loose, and the shirt showed off my, well, large breasts. I didn’t ask for them, and I was expecting serious back problems one day ‘cause of them, but I think that someday a girl could enjoy them. If I could get a girl in this place. My dating pool is pretty small in this place, and the little people in it, are not exactly...my type. Though the straight girls seemed to think I was attractive enough, so long as they thought I was a guy. I was used to it. It’d been happening since middle school. And maybe one day the whole looking like a dude but being a chick wouldn’t be a total deal breaker. Maybe a girl would think that I was a hot chick, not a hot guy. Maybe she’d have green eyes.

                She’s a dream. A part of me whispered.

                Maybe. The other part said.

                Definitely.

                Yeah…

                Always the hopeful one. Realize that she’s not real. That you’re just lonely. The more hope you’ve got, the harder it is get over the disappointment of every day when nothing happens. Nothing is going to change. The less hope you have, the less hurt you get. She’s not real.

                You’re right…

                I shook the thoughts from my mind and walked back into my room, throwing the dirty clothes in the hamper. I checked my watch and groaned as I grabbed my bag and walked downstairs. The door was half open when I heard, “Bye honey.” From the kitchen.

                I inwardly flinched. If she was up, then so was he.

                “Bye mom.” I yelled and slammed the door shut before he decided to say something to me as well.

                I hopped on my bike and pulled on my helmet. As much as I wanted a real bike, a motorcycle, I couldn’t get that. Not here. It’d be sold or broken within the week. A waste of money on my part. Just like finding a girlfriend, the bike would have to wait. Until then, I was on a bicycle, riding to school, then my job, then home. Sometimes I’d say I was working late and I’d just sit in the park until it was practically pitch black when I finally went home. Maybe I’d do that tonight. I needed time…alone. I needed time away. Just to think. Just for some peace and quiet.

                I was riding to school, like always, and I saw a girl up ahead of me. Tight jeans that accentuated a pretty nice ass, a loose blouse that left my imagination wandering, and long hair with lazy curls that was a light brown with a hint of red. I kept my eyes on her as I passed, turning my head as I went on and catching a glimpse of her face.

                Green eyes.

                My bike swerved violently as I lost control and I had to turn back and keep myself from tipping over. I peddled faster, trying to put as much distance between myself and her as I could.

                Plenty of people have green eyes. I bet they weren’t even the right shade. I told you, she was just a dream. You want her to be real, so you imagined that she had green eyes. I bet she wasn’t even as attractive as you thought she was. I bet she was just an average looking person, and because you wanted more, you saw more. That side of my brain told me.

                I know those eyes…I’ve seen them for months…every night…I know those eyes…

                No you don’t. You imagined them. They could have been brown for all you know.

                No…It was her…It had to be her…

                Fine, turn around. Stop peddling and go up to her. You made it up. Those aren’t the eyes you’ve been seeing.

                I thought about it. I even turned cast a quick glance behind me, but she was gone. Not even like there was a different person walking where she had been, it was just an empty sidewalk. It was like she had never been.

                I told you so. Even the part of me, the part the never believed in her to begin with, seemed a little disappointed. Almost hurt.

                But that other side, that goddamned hopeful side persisted. “I know those eyes.” I whispered, ever so quietly.

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Well hello there. I guess I wanna say this is my stuff, so don't use it. And...uh...please lemme know what you think. Seriously you guys, in my other story that I really just fell in love with and was like a child, Under the Rainbow for those of you newcomers to me, I got the occassional comment and some of those like things (I want to specifically say hi and thanks to this one person who has pretty much been there since the beginning, I don't think we've ever spoken, but I'll get on here and see the little thing about how they liked every chapter or added my newest book to their reading list and, seriously, I get all blushy and excited and it's just crazy 'cause it's pretty damn cool to think that this person reads this stuff. So, well, I guess hi rei226 haha), but I rarely ever get to actually hear what you guys think, so just lemme know already. Geeze you guys.

So..yeah..bye.