Broken World

Chapter 22

       "Babe, what's wrong?" Kellin asks concerned. I rip my arm out of his grip and run. I go straight to my pack that I brought from camp, grab my knife, and turn towards the bathroom. I go in and sit on the floor. I yank my sleeves up, and I unsheathe my knife. This is the first time I've actually put a blade to my skin. I press down just a little bit and draw the knife to the side. There's a small amount of stinging, but I'm so upset I don't feel the actual pain. I let the tears fall, and I make sure my sobs are silent, so no one can find me. I hear my name being called and footsteps in the hall. I ignore them and look at my arm. Three marks on each arm, and I'm not done. I hear frantic voices, but I ignore them and make two more marks. Blood is pooling on the floor, and I make another mark. Six on each arm, and I won't stop unless someone finds me. I hear someone pounding on the door screaming frantically.

       "Delilah! What are you doing?" Max screams as he runs into the bathroom. He sees the twelve marks, the blood on the floor, the tears on my face, and the paleness of my face. He looks like he might pass out, but he doesn't even move from the spot that he stopped on when he walked in. I make another mark on each arm, and he lunges for me. I dodge to the side, and he flops into the wall. Fourteen marks in total, how many can I get?

       "You can't stop me," I mumble. He doesn't seem to hear me.

       "Delilah, give me the knife!" he screams. When he lunges I dodge again. That's when he starts screaming peoples' names and calling for help. All of a sudden the knife is ripped from my grip, someone wraps their arms around me, someone's yelling at me, someone picks me up, and then that someone is running for the room that's become the medical room. I feel the blood dripping out of the fourteen marks, and the thing is I'm not upset I did that. Honestly I can't even feel the pain. More screaming erupts as we enter the room, and I'm placed on a bed. I black out after that.

       I awake and realize I'm in soft blankets. "Thank God, it was a dream," I think. I then open my eyes and realize that it wasn't. I almost scream, but then I feel the pain in my wrists and my throat constricts as I feel the tears begin welling. This time I push them away. I look toward where a window should be and realize it's night time. I feel something move near my right arm, and then something touches my face. It's soft and calming, and I realize it's someone's hand.

       "Delilah, come back to us please," the voice belongs to Max.

       "How long has it been?" I wonder.

       "Is she awake?" I hear Kellin's broken voice somewhere.

       "I don't think so, but it's hard to see in this light," Max says.

       "Yeah, but I don't wanna turn this light on for her sake," Kellin says, and I can tell something's wrong because his voice keeps cracking.

       "Ugh, this is all my fault! I shouldn't have shut her out like I did!" Max cries out.

       "It isn't your fault. I should've followed her because I knew something was wrong. So, if it's anyone's fault it's mine," Kellin says, and I can tell he's crying now.

       "Mmm," I try to say something, but end up groaning instead.

       "Delilah, babe, are you awake?" Kellin asks walking over to my bed.

       "I-it's...nei-neither y-your faults," I manage to grumble out.

       "Oh my gosh she's awake!" Max quietly exclaims.

       "Y-you sc-scared us to d-death!" Kellin exclaims his voice cracking.

       "H-how so?" I stutter.

       "You cut yourself fourteen times, and then went unconscious for two days because of blood loss. I thought I was going to lose you! I've been crying for two days straight!" Kellin says his voice cracking all over the place. I feel a wet drop land on my face, and I know he's crying.

       "Shh, it's okay," I mumble.

       "No, it's not. I thought I lost you! Did you forget that I'm only alive because of you?" Kellin says.

       "I lost myself. I felt like death was calling me. Have you forgotten I lose control sometimes because of stress and depression?" I ask feeling tears well up.

       "Of course I didn't forget! How could I forget when you mention it every time something goes wrong?" Kellin whisper yells.

       "Well, it seems you've started to hate me," I say letting my voice crack and the tears run free.

       "I haven't st-" Kellin begins.

       "Kellin, shut your mouth. All you're doing is hurting her," Max says. I sob letting them know I'm crying again.

       "Babe, I'm sorry. I haven't slept since you went down, and I've been so worried. I shouldn't have taken it out on you," Kellin says. He leans in and kisses me on the lips, and it reassures my love, but I still feel horrible.

       "It's okay. Can someone get me water and pain meds?" I ask. Someone takes off, and I lay there hoping they'll hurry. They come back, and after taking the pill I go back to sleep.