Come home. [ l.s ]

XIV

October 18 ,  12:00

Hi Louis.

I've decided to not write in here unless something worthy of writing happens. That did happen today.

I don't know why, but I decided to go through the photos on my phone. I never realized how many pictures we took together.

And guess what? Some were even pictures that you took on my phone the night you went missing. Honestly, I can't believe I'm just now seeing these.

I guess I just never bothered to look at them, but gosh you look amazing in them. It was cold that night so you were bundled up in that cotton white sweater. You also had white mittens and a grey scarf, which was mine but I had given it to you because you looked like you were half frozen.

Also, in the pictures you could see how cold you were just by looking at your cheeks and your nose. They were a beautiful shade of pink. Rosy, some would say.

You looked so.. happy.

I don't think neither of us are happy now. I know I'm defiantly not.

Louis, I know I've said this a million times but I miss you. I miss you so much. It hurts so much, Louis.

Why couldn't it have been me. Why did it have to be you. You don't deserve this baby, you don't.

I worries me sick to my stomach to think about what could have happened to you after you were kidnapped.

Did they rape you?
Did they torture you?
Sell you?
Kill you even?

I don't know. I don't really want to know. I just want you to be home. Here, with me. Where you should be right now. If only I hadn't been so stupid. If only I could've waited for another time.

I feel so awful. This is all my fault. It is. I know it is. And I'm so sorry, Lou.

But please.

Please just come home.

. H