The Show Must Go On (Jaythan)

Tension Builds

***Author here! Just wanted to say I'm aiming for like 10 chapters. I'll keep posting, this isn't the end! Thanks for reading!***

I came to visit Jay every single day. I took to talking to him, holding onto his cold, clammy hand.

Here are some of the things I said over the days.

"I'm back, Bird. I miss you loads. Our tour is in a month. If you don't wake up by then, I'll refuse to go. I can't leave you here."

"The fans are worried sick. They've been sending presents for when you wake up. I got one letter from a sweet little girl. I have to read it to you.

"'Dear Jay, I miss you so much. Please come back to the band. Please wake up. I miss your laugh and messy hair. I also promised I wouldn't eat chocolate until you wake up. It's really hard. Please wake up, I want chocolate. Lots of love, Lucy. Xoxo, heart.'"

"Jay, we all miss you. Everything is so empty. The plus side is that none of us have been pranked for two full weeks. That's been nice."

"Wake up! Tia misses you. She doesn't like me taking care of her, and honestly I don't like lizards as much as you. She needs you, Bird."

One day, I was particularly upset.

"The boys were arguing today. We didn't have you to act peacekeeper, and now Max and Tom won't talk to each other. With that grudge and you gone, we might break up as a band."

I started crying again. "Please Jay, wake up. I can't lose my four brothers. I just can't. Come home soon." I leaned forward and kissed his forehead. Just a brotherly action.

Right?

I was feeling his absence deeper than anyone else. I found myself talking to his ghost, or turning to share a smile with someone who wasn't there. I was quiet at interviews and frowned at photoshoots.

I also started sleeping in his room. His scent and his quirks were everywhere. I missed his mat of curls. I missed his tattoos and immature jokes. I missed his Avatar references. I missed his eyes. They were an open book, filled with his emotions and thoughts. I missed their deep blue colour. I missed his warm hand ruffling my hair.

My Jay.

Where did the "my" come from? I didn't own him. I didn't have feelings for him.

Did I?

~~~~~~~~

One week to the tour, and he was still in a coma.

"We've got to go, boys," Tom said, saying the words we were all thinking but not saying.

"I can't just leave Jay here," I argued firmly.

"Nath, we all feel that way, but-"

I didn't let Siva finish.

"But nothing! If we leave him behind when we go on tour, it'll be four of us! We already had that image when I was gone for surgery. Without Jay on tour, our huge WORLD TOUR, he won't be a member of our band anymore. And I REFUSE TO DO THIS WITHOUT JAY!" I was yelling by then.

"Nayf, we all miss him," Max said quietly. "It's hard to see someone you love lying in a coma. But the show must go on. We can't hurt the fans. He would have wanted us to go."

"Bull," I called. My vision was blurring and my cheeks were wet. "You know damn well that if I was the one in that bed, he would refuse. He would stay by my side like I'm doing for him."

"Nathan, you can't just not come," Siva said.

"SAYS THE BLOKE WHO SKIPPED VEGAS!"

"That was one show, not an entire tour! And I had to stay for the love of my life!"

"WELL MAYBE I DO TOO!"

Everyone fell silent.

What did I just admit to?

I'm not gay. I know that. But Jay...I'm not sure where I stand with him. I'm attracted to him, I've realised that. His absence is an ache in my heart. But I don't love him.

Right?

"I didn't mean that," I said quickly, my face going red. "I was just angry."

They still eyed me warily.

"Oh, screw this, I'm heading out." I walked out of the building, slamming the door on my way.