The Show Must Go On (Jaythan)

Tell Me You're Joking

{A/N I AM SO SORRY.}

Jay's POV

I bought Nathan a strawberry ice cream. He happily licked it. He was so cute. I would miss him so much.

We sat on a park bench. I looked up at the sky. It was so beautiful.

After my trip to the hospital, I'd begun to notice how beautiful everything was in the world. How much I'd miss it all if it were...gone.

"Tonight's a perfect shade of dark blue," Nathan said, smiling.

"I get your joke." I put on a fake smile.

Nathan frowned and put his hand on top of mine. "Jay, what's wrong?"

I sighed. My heart accelerated. How do I tell him? "Well. Remember...I was in the hospital?"

"How could I forget?"

I nodded. Right. If that was painful for him, this would be unbearable. "Right. Well, they had examined my body, right? And...they told me something."

I saw the fear in Nathan's beautiful dark eyes. The terror, the love, the desperation. "No. No. Please, no," he begged.

"I have heart problems," I choked out. "They're going to do surgery, but there's a 95% chance of failure."

He threw his arms around me. I held him as he cried into my shoulder.

"Tell me you're joking," he whispered.

Tears fell from my eyes. "I'm sorry."

He pulled back and looked at me. I could see his heart exploding in his eyes. His fingers played with the collar of my shirt. "Jay, I...why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I wanted to make sure our love was real (pun intended, I love making music puns!). I told the boys but I couldn't bear to tell you. Not yet. I didn't want to hurt you like this."

He was quiet for a moment. When he asked me his next question, his voice was small. It sounded like someone went smush to his throat and he was gasping for air. "When's the surgery?"

I caught his hand and looked at it. Long, beautiful, slender fingers. Pianist's hands. I can't do this. I can't leave him so soon. I can't break his heart like this. "Five months."

He bit his lip. "Five months?"

"Yeah."

"But it probably won't work?"

"Right."

"Then we have to make it the best five months you have ever lived."

I smiled a little. "Look, Nath. I'm going to be wasting away to nothing. I can't put you through that pain. Go find someone else to fall in love with."

"I can't do that, Jay," he said.

"Why not? I'm just going to cause you pain."

"Because I love you. You're mine. I'm yours. And that's how it will be until we both die. I can't love anyone else because I already love you."

Then he kissed me. It was filled with acceptance, sorrow, support, comfort. It was everything I needed. He was everything I needed.

He tasted like strawberries. I wanted to stay like this forever, locked with each other. But that couldn't happen.

I started crying again. He pulled away and hugged me. I rested my head on his chest. He gently rocked me back and forth.

{A/N I don't know much about heart problems. My descriptions later on could be totally inaccurate.

Do you hate me? I'm sorry! I had to make SOMETHING happen and, well, I was reading Alone on the Water again........I'M SO SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME! ~Pickles}