The Show Must Go On (Jaythan)

Penny For Your Thoughts

We got to the next hotel. Jay and I were sharing a room, since they had only booked four for the tour.

"I can sleep on the floor," Jay offered.

"No, no! It's fine!" I said.

"Trust me, I've had enough of laying in bed. I'll take the floor." Jay laughed, but I didn't. I was still thinking about my feelings.

He sat on the bed next to me. "Hey, Nath, what's wrong?"

"So you heard everything in the coma?" I asked quietly.

He nodded solemnly.

"Everything?"

"Everything."

I sighed. "Look Jay, I'm sorry. I don't really know what my feelings are. Maybe I was just upset and angry. Maybe I don't feel that way. I'm sorry for making this awkward."

Jay was quiet. Too quiet.

"Penny for your thoughts."

"Well," Jay said. "How did you feel when I was...away? Honestly?"

I looked down at my hands. "I felt so alone. I missed you a lot. Everything about you. I felt like half of me was gone."

Jay reached out and touched my cheek gently. The warmth surged through me and left me shivering in its wake. "That's how I felt when you were gone for surgery."

Realisation slapped me in the face. I swatted his hand away. "Jay, I'm not gay, alright?!"

"Nathan-"

"I don't want that kind of attention! Not to mention what it would do to the fans and the band!"

"Look-"

"I was just confused. I missed my best mate. That's all. You're my best friend. And-"

"I LOVE YOU!" he shouted.

I fell silent.

"I love you, Nathan," he said quieter.

"Jay, I'm sorry. I don't know how I feel." I felt my stomach churning. How should I react?

He sat closer to me, eyes shining. My heart fluttered. "It sounds like you feel the same and you're just scared to admit it."

"I honestly don't know, mate!"

"Okay. Okay." He looked down, dejected. "What if I did this?"

I didn't have time to protest. Jay pressed his lips to mine.

My heartbeat accelerated and I felt something deep within my gut. I was kissing a guy. What? When did I become gay? But it just felt right.

I kissed him back and shakily put my arms around him. I twisted his curls around my fingers.

He put one hand on the back of my neck and pulled me closer. I didn't protest. He put another hand on my waist.

I slowly drew out of the kiss. Jay opened his eyes and smiled. Oh, his eyes. Such a deep shade of blue.

"Still unsure of your feelings?" he asked, amused.

I cupped his cheek with one hand. "Jay," I said, unbelieving. Here I was, kissing my best friend. Suddenly I knew. There was no doubt about my feelings for Jay.

I kissed him again. It felt good. It felt right. It felt real.