The Show Must Go On (Jaythan)

One-Sided Confrontation

I visited Jay in the hospital, not knowing where else to go.

I held his hand tightly, feeling all of the tendons and knuckles and bones.

"We had a massive argument today. I don't want to go on tour without you. But The Wanted can't be three guys and not us. I just don't want to go without you."

I asked myself the one question I'd been avoiding. Why?

I answered aloud. "Because it's not the same without you. There's not your obnoxious laugh, your little references, your jokes. It's not...a proper tour without you. And I can't just leave you here. What if you wake up? I need to be here for that."

I didn't dare ask myself the other side to that question.

What if he doesn't...

"Stop it!" I chided myself, crying again. I wiped my eyes. "Oh, stop it, you. Don't cry. Come on!" I screamed with wordless frustration when I couldn't stop the tears.

A nurse ran in, asking if everything was alright. I nodded, but couldn't stop sobbing.

She hugged me and rubbed my back. "Oh, sweetie. I know this is hard."

I slowly ceased crying. "Do you mind if you leave us, Chloe? I want to talk to him."

The nurse nodded. "Of course, Nathan." She left the room and closed the door. I was a regular. Most of the workers knew my name, and I knew theirs.

I gazed at Jay's blank face. It had never blank, ever. It was always filled with something.

"Today, I said something else," I stated. "Something I'm not sure is true. I said that...I was in love with you."

No reply. Obviously.

"I'm not sure how I feel. I'm not gay. I like girls and all. But you're different. You're like a beacon, calling me in. You're a constant, always there. And I'm attracted to you. You're quite...charming. But do I love you? I don't know.

"Without you, I feel...broken. Distant. Pained. Is it because of secret feelings? Or do the other boys feel this too? I don't know. I just want you back, Jay. Come back to me." I kissed his cheek this time and left.