I Remember You

After shocks - Chapter-10

" baby you should eat." Yonghwa's voice got to my muddled thoughts and I look at him.

He motioned to the food in front of me. He's practically living with me and my mom now.

I found out that he followed me when I met with Hongki that day and he's aware of what really happened to me. Everyday he went to our house to cheer me up, but I was too hurt and stubborn to let him come near me. Through it all he didnt give up.

He gave me teddy bears and flowers. It started with a small bear and just yesterday he gave me a big one.

Today he cooked breakfast for me and persuaded me to go out of my room to join him and my mom for breakfast.

I took a sip of the orange juice. I really dont feel hungry. I just eat small amounts of food for the past three weeks, any more and I will throw up so they didnt push me.

Hongki called in twice but I declined his call. I know what he wants to say. He always aplogize but I dont need it anymore.

Eventhough he lied to me, I cant help but feel bad for him. He lied because he love me. However all these things are unfair to Yong. Mom told me the entire story of how we became to be and how he's been so patient with me all these time.

I can feel it -- I know he cares for me with his gestures and his smiles. But, I cant really remember him. It frustrates the hell out of me. I cant remember the day I said yes to him, or how we were before I lost my memory. I feel so guilty that I cant remember him. If I love him then I should remember anything or something, right?

Why cant I remember him? Everytime he looks at me with those eyes I want to cry. He cares so much and Im a bitch for not remembering. I know he hurt too he just pretend that it doesnt get to him but I know.

Now all I have are tingly feelings when ever he touch my hand. I cant feel a deep connection to him other than feeling safe when were together.

I sip the juice and discreetly look at him. There were dark rings under his eyes. He s really affected by whats happening to me.

" Arent you going to school?" I asked him and he shook his head.   

"Ive submitted my assigments and project for the week Im gonna be ok. " his eyes crinkles on the side every time he laughs or smile.

I wanted to touch his face but I dont want to give him false hope that everythings the same. Because honestly, it isnt. I like him but not enough as before.

Now I hate myself. I hate that my mom keeps checking out on me and that she cries at night. When I thinks Im asleep she cries talking to my dad on the phone. Funny that they talk to each other now that they're separated. I should be happy but Im terribly sad and lonely.

Im angry at myself for not remembering my love for Yong. He didnt change, I did. Im angry at the driver who didnt drive carefully that day. Im angry at Hongki who lied to me about 'US'. Now him and Yong are both hurting because of me.

Im so angry that at 4am I took a blade and slashed my wrist so everybody can move on. They'll be happy without me.

I watched as my blood flows down the drain, I felt myself slipping away my vision is blurry. I was surprised at a pair of hands that hug me. I look up squinting so I can see who it is.

I saw his anguished face and I touch his face. He's crying as he pick me up and ran.

"im sorry..." Was the last thing I said as I close my eyes. I hope this will end everything. I hope he will be happy....

I hope...