My diary ( you may read it )

These feelings

Dear fans,

I still can't stop this feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. I want so badly for it to go away and leave me with the sense of knowing I am at peace with myself. I want to disappear from those who have made me wonder of my existence and my worth. I have made people see the things I have seen to experience the hard work I've put up with, to have dragged someone out of a hole to help them believe that with a little help from someone kind can make their lives a little better.
    The world is changing and we are only going to be here for so long. I know it. You know it. But yet we still believe we are going to be fine. Well we aren't. There will come a time when we are going to be gone and I have made my peace with that as scary as it is but, I believe that we can change it to help the planet that left us to do its bidding to work to live to evolve. Well we evolved to much and we need to stop but people just have this feeling of carrying on.
   My mom talks calmly about death as if she exspect it to happen soon. The government talks of helping when they aren't doing shit to help. The world talks of peace yet it seems there won't be any if we keep it up. People talk of cleaning the earth protecting it but did they know that what we do with factories is killing the very beings that are protecting us?
   Death is something I am far to comfortable with. Hearing death. Smelling death, seeing death, hoping one day when I'm ready death will come for me. But he hasn't not yet it's not time and I believe I'm going to be fine. These feelings my dear fans are all but normal to me in my everyday life. I do not talk of such things to my friends for they will make a joke out of it all. I write my thoughts cause I find it so much easier to handle.
    I follow my on lead I push my own limits to see if I can make it. I hope I pray even if I do not worship a god. I pray one day people will understand and see the things I see through my eyes the same things I observe over time to calculate the perseverance of what I am looking at. I believe in myself and so should you to yourself. We can change but we have to work to do it and I've worked way to hard to do much more but yet I still do just little things to help others in need. Hugs. A listening ear. A under stander of what they put out. I am here I am there I am going to everywhere to help and I feel great about that. Maybe I should feel great just to be myself.

Love Jazmine

Ps. I don't know if you are actually interested in these but I'm going to keep writing anyway.