My diary ( you may read it )

12/14/15

Dear fans,

Well what do you know things are getting a little okay for me. Though I know my mind is still thinking of the million possibilities to what can go terribly wrong. Yeah I know not the best thing to think about constantly right? Well anyway I want to know how you like reading my life as I go? Go ahead and comment and let me know if you like it hate it or are just as confused as me. I don't feel worried yet I know I should be. I feel like things can't get any better but what if they can? What if I somehow just have everything I have always wanted? Yeah like that will ever happen lol.
You know dears I feel somewhat connected to you like we are growing together and that we are coming to an understanding. I tell people I am an open book with hidden secrets well that's why I am writing this diary this is my life and it is a book now and I am writing my own chapters to each passing conflict that happens in my life. These are the real thoughts of some teenagers. I keep thinking that we are all the same but we think differently. Some of us are fine but if you talk to others like me you'll know your not fine at all.
It's okay you guys you don't have to hide your feelings it's okay to be mad sad or hell fucking angry whatever it is it's fine we get it.... I get it. Most of you might be good people some of you are just so fucking broken and damaged and hurt and a lot of you are most likely bullies and that is not okay but it's who you are. I'm a all around girl I am every guys dream girl I am the depended friend I am the funny girl I am the helpful cousin I am the damaged I am the hurt I am the broken but I am also the positive that keeps me alive and going through it all. I'd like to think that there is something that is going to make you keep fighting make you want to keep living. There will always be that one thing that one person that you just can't leave behind. Why else to we keep trying?

I keep trying cause that's my job to keep going when no one else will. I try for myself to see if I can do things that most of you can't ever do if you even dream of it. [sighs] oh what will my future hold may it be bad or may it be good either way it is my life and I will have to see what it holds.

Hey are any of you scared of death? Well I was but I made my peace with him he can take me anytime he wants and I'd let him. Why? Cause what's the point in fighting death when death will always cheat and win. It's going to happen to all of us one day and you can't help it you need to do whatever you need to do and get it all done otherwise die knowing you could've done something. Lol I am sure of myself that I am getting all that I need done just by doing them before knowing. I wonder about how this all works. Hmph science isn't my thing. Oh well.
Anyway, I have to get to advisory brb ( wait one min then read). Ok I am back lol what's up? Ok anyway, do you guys have problems? Like medical? Mental? It's okay you can tell me I have problems too and we can all help each other ( even though I think I'm like the only one that reads my own diary) we can always help each other master our problems. Will that be fun for you guys? I think that will be a lot of fun lol. I watch the people that are around me and to be honest I don't like most of them, they are either stuck up or spoiled fucking brats. But the people I do care know that I'd do anything to protect them. I'll make a deep underground bunker and I will push them all in there. I don't want them hurt I don't want them gone. But I guess they'll leave me one of these days. I know this I have accepted this tragic fact. But it's a darn good thing we all got Facebook right? Haha yeah it's a real good thing.

     Last night I slept without my teddy bear that I always sleep with.... It didn't make a difference in my sleep. Huh I guess I don't need it anymore. I guess now that I'm getting to be seventeen I am growing out of my bears.  Weird. It's very weird how we all just grow out of what we came to love doing so much. Our favourite blanket isn't our favourite no more our teddy bear isn't being held anymore our dolls are in the garbage or with our siblings our toy cars are now melted to make brand new cars. Everything we'll came to love is gone or fading away and being replaced with technology. Kids will never know the joys of rain storms and playing in the mud or playing dress up cause they are all in front of a little screen that they can watch all the damn time. It's sick and really sad and they wonder why we are all getting so fat lol.
   Children scream at their mothers for the new phones or iPads where I am asking to go and get a book or two and finding ways to occupy my time. They say in the future there won't be a need for paper or pencils haha those people are idiots I hate high tech technology it's hard and it's useless. Pen and paper is the best way cause it's easier and more fun. Yeah I am using a technology for writing this but they should've stopped at iPads. Well I suppose I should end this entry now I've said all I could today but hey let me know what you want to hear or ask a shit tone of questions I won't mind so bye loves.

Love jazmine