My diary ( you may read it )

12/7/15

Dear fans,

I'm better now. I did two days worth of meditation and getting my zen back in place.  The thing is I believe I might have to try harder in school and I'm worried cause hell I might loose myself again. But let's face it I'm going to loose myself again one of these days and I'm not going to know what to do by then. Meditation is one thing but being able to stay calm in all situations is another that I'm not sure how to handle.
  I still miss him and he knows I do he still cares cause he told me he does but what hit me the hardest was how good it felt to just be able to speak to him. We didn't talk much he just told me to move on and not be so hung up on him but I told him it's a lot harder than that and he gets it. We are both lost in a dream state of mind that we have to find eachother to know that it's not all that bad.
     Have you heard of a story when Gia made a monster with two heads four arms and four legs and two hearts? Well it has been said that when Cronus hated them and split them apart and took them to different places the monsters would spend their entire lives looking for their other half in hopes to be happy and in love again. I heard about this story and it got me thinking maybe why I'm willing to keep coming back to him is maybe the fact that he's my missing half that I was meant to find? But if this is true why is it that life keeps splitting us apart? I love him still but I also love someone else so maybe my heart is acting weird maybe I'm doing something right and for god sake I might be doing something wrong like I always do. I am not a perfect person and maybe I can be one day but I really don't want to be perfect.
    When people are perfect they think that they've done it all well I say that's fucking boring cause I want to do a lot of things one day and I can't wait to do them. Being able to feel a sense of joy for as long as I have it is a great feeling to have. This day has been good and great next I have chorus and I'll be singing which will be great cause I love singing. I best go thanks for reading my dearest fans.

Love Jazmine