Adventures of the Kawaii Potato Army

Once Upon A Time There Lived A Potato

Written by: Shaylah
Edited by: Emma

Listen close Chicken Misaki, your Auntie Emma here is going to tell you a very important legend which has been passed down from generations to generation as a symbol of hope...

"I want my milk slave!! Where's my mommy and daddy?! Who are you?"

"Goo goo gah."

That's right darling, your aunt Emma will spend the next 5 hours telling you the entire story. Now, then, lets begin.

Once upon a time, before the universe was created, there lived the Kawaii Potato Lord who ruled everything in existence.

One day, the Kawaii Potato was bored and decided to create Earth and the animals and the humans and the plants. But there was something missing. What could it be?

Of course, it was the potatoes! So the Kawaii Potato Lord decided to bestow a valuable treasure among the human race, also known as the potatoes.

You still listening Chicken Misaki?

"Who are you fleshy?! I need a diaper change!!"

"Mah mah poop."

That's a good girl! Now on with the story.

However- the humans were evil, greedy, vicious creatures, and felt very threatened by the pure potatoes. And so they enslaved them and used them for food such as fries and crisps. Yuck, don't eat that Misaki.

They killed the poor potatoes in the most gruesome ways possible, such as peeling off their skin.

The Kawaii Potato Lord was distraught to see his children in pain and decided enough was enough. So he brought together the bravest, fiercest, smartest, and strongest people together from all over the world. Thus, the Kawaii Potato Army was created.

A great story, right Chicken Misaki?

"I didn't understand a single thing you said, peasant."

"Gah gah."

That's my niece! And you'll never guess what, your mum is part of the army too. She is known as the Kawaii Corporal Larkin Ackerman, wife of Humanity's Strongest Soldier.

I'm also part of the army too, I'm known as Kawaii General Emma Kiriguya, wife of your uncle himself.

Plus I-

"Oi, Kiriguya, what are you doing with my child?! I have been looking all over for the brat!" Levi snarled as he kicked the door open and entered the room uninvited.

"Sheesh, shorty. I was only telling the kid a bedtime story." Emma cradled the child with a grin on her face.

"Father! Take me away from this fleshy!"

"Papa ta!"

"You better have not been telling her that stupid potato story. I don't need you and Hannah filling her head with shit." He hissed, annoyance lacing his voice.

"Whaaat?! It's not stupid, it will teach your child a great lesson when she's older and joins the army." Emma huffed stubbornly.

"She is not joining that ridiculous army of yours." Levi tried to take his child from Emma's arms but she tightened her hold on Chicken Misaki.

"Wait!" Said Emma. "Can I at least sing her a lullaby?"

Levi narrowed his eyes at his wife's best friend and fought a mental battle in his head on whether he should allow her to sing a lullaby or not.

What harm could a lullaby do?

"Fine." He spoke with a little hesitation. "Make it quick brat, you're wasting my time."

Emma flashed Levi a victorious grin and then cleared her throat. "Seid ihr das Essen? Nein, wir sind der Jäger!"

Levi facepalmed at the song. "You have got to be fucking kidding me."